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I am in the midst of hosting an on-line game. The figures, table, scenery etc. are at my house but the participants, Doug em4 and Vagabond are playing by e-mail and WhatsApp. Turn 3 finished yesterday but I cannot show all the photos yet as the players cannot see everything their opponent is up to. I think in the turn that is about to happen this morning, the players will have a view of everything. As a consequence, I am going to post the preamble and preliminary events here.
It all started with a dropped Spangles wrapper, one beautiful June morning in Much-Piddling. Admiral Horatio Toastrack KCB Retd. (he of The Laurels, Moist Lane, Lower Much-Piddling) was taking his dog Rodney for a walk on the Much-Piddling village green.
(https://i.imgur.com/P6R6MLR.jpg)
Having let Rodney off the lead, the keen-eyed old seadog noticed that Rodney seemed to have found something of interest by the phone box. Upon further investigation the old buffer was outraged to discover it was litter. To wit, a Spangles wrapper and several of the empty individual sweet wrappers gently wafting to and fro in the light breeze which was playfully blowing across the green.
(https://i.imgur.com/jgvBMy7.jpg)
Immediately grasping the seriousness of the situation, Toastrack was straight into the phone box dialling 999.
“Gasforth Police Station. Sergeant Patricia Dawkins speaking.”
Forgetting for once, his misogynistic view on women in the force, Horatio managed to splutter out the words “Bloody litter louts, Much-Piddling village green” before collapsing in an apoplectic fit, to the floor of the phone box.
Patricia, contrary to Horatio’s misguided thoughts on the matter, was exactly the right sort of person to be a police sergeant. Instantly, she rang through to the crew room to alert the officers on duty.
(https://i.imgur.com/9QHUuJ8.jpg)
Meanwhile, at the Mottled Earwig pub in Wittleford-cum-Bagsley, Inspector Raymond Fowler was lunching with his old friend and colleague, Frank Hawley. In the old days, Raymond and Frank had been best pals at Hendon Police College as cadets in their formative years with Her Majesty’s Police Force. Frank was now a Detective Chief Inspector at Scotland Yard and commander of the legendary Flying Squad. ‘The Sweeny’ as they were known to the underworld. Raymond was feeling a little self-conscious in view of the fact the he was a lowly Inspector running the uniform branch at a country police station in Gasforth. It was a far cry from those halcyon days at Hendon when the world had seemed to be their oyster!
The woodentops were in the crew room at Gasforth nick playing dominoes when the call came in. “Get orff yer aris and pick up the dog, Goody” demanded Detective Inspector Derek Grim from the CID office. Grim, having been introduced by Raymond to the commander of the Flying Squad, was trying out a bit of cockney rhyming slang. When Patricia had explained the situation to Kevin Goody, Grim shouted to the assembled officers, “Right, listen in, you lot. This is the big one. We’ve a litter lout on the loose in Much-Piddling and a visiting DCI from Scotland Yard. Let’s nick the bugger and show the Sweeny how it’s done in Gasforth. I'm not having you disgracing this station with a load of wishy-washy, diddums, half-cock, up your social worker, foldy-roll 'blame it on society', psycho-sicko-socio-claptrap crap! You make a cock up, my arse is on the line. Get it? Your cock up, my arse!” he emphasised.
As PC Goody and WPC Habib ran for the squad car, Goody had something on his mind, "If I'm late for my tea today, my mum's going to do her raving nana!" he opined.
With great presence of mind, Patricia rang the landlord of the Mottled Earwig, one Preston Starch who summoned Raymond to the phone. Patricia quickly briefed Raymond on the emergency and he decided to attend in person, inviting along Frank. Abandoning the remnants of their Mottled Earwig Cheese Ploughmans (you’ll be lucky to finish this, the menu declared ominously), they drove to the scene in Gasforth nick’s Hillman Imp.
(https://i.imgur.com/zKUJSzl.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/NWTWI5S.jpg)
Virtually the entire available force from Gasforth arrived en masse in Much-Piddling. Inspector Fowler had them all arranged to conduct a finger-tip search right across the green.
(https://i.imgur.com/quwVjEV.jpg)
After several fruitless hours of searching the green for clues, Raymond arranged for his men to be fed at the local fish and chip shop, aptly named ‘Good Pie, Mr. Chips’.
Frank had only popped in for lunch but in view of the late hour, Raymond invited Frank to stay overnight with him and Patricia. Raymond and Patricia lived together in an upstairs flat in Gasforth. Patricia called in at the local fishmongers to get some haddock for their tea. Raymond cleared away the Airfix 1/72 Lancaster Bomber he was working on from their kitchen table and soon, he and Frank were drinking halves of light ale and reminiscing about the old days.
(https://i.imgur.com/qRIR0xz.jpg)
Thus it was, that Frank was on hand to lend his old cadet chum a helping hand in the biggest case ever to occur in the vicinity of Much-Piddling. Later, the denizens of Fleet Street came to refer to it as ‘The Case of ‘Swiss’ Tony’s Thumb and the Lady Mayoress’.
This is how it began…
Big time crime boss ‘Swiss’ Tony Cowie was facing a Crown Court trial soon for his part in the Market Snodsbury bank job. His brief, Horace Rumpole had him out on bail but there’s no doubt that ‘Swiss’ was going down for a long stretch. One of the bank staff was shot in the raid, so it’s a murder charge. Carelessly, Tony left a perfect thumb print at the scene. The evidence is safely locked up in the Evidence Room at nearby Gasforth nick, under the stern eye of Inspector Raymond Fowler.
Tony’s bird, Mimsie Slopcorner has come up with a cunning plan. Knowing that Raymond Fowler is a former schoolmate of the current Mayoress, Mimsie suggests kidnapping her and getting Raymond to hand over the incriminating print in exchange for the safe return of the Mayoress. Then the case against Tony would collapse.
(https://i.imgur.com/Akbes71.jpg)
'Swiss' Tony Cowie and Mimsie Slopcorner
The plan is a good one as Raymond has always had a secret crush for Dame Christabelle Wickham QC, the Mayoress since he sat next to her at Gasforth Junior School. The Cowie Firm duly kidnap Christabelle Wickham but they have not reckoned on Raymond’s sense of duty. Unwilling to hand over ‘Swiss’ Tony’s thumb print, Fowler calls on the services of an old friend of his from those Hendon days when they were cadets together. Of course, it is none other than the legendary Flying Squad commander DCI Frank Hawley. Frank of course, is renowned for breaking the Phantom Batter-Pudding Hurler case wide open in Bexhill-on-Sea. He also retrieved the famed Mukkinese Battle Horn when it was stolen from The Clam of Chowder. By sheer luck, Frank is already in Gasforth as a guest at Raymond’s flat.
‘Swiss’ is holed up in Snapcase Hall in Much-Piddling. The owner, the Earl of Snapcase is away for the season in Monte Carlo. ‘Swiss’ has rented the Hall and estate via the offices of Blush, Cringe and Flinch (Quality Estate Agents) to provide himself with a safe-house for the kidnapped Mayoress and assorted ‘muscle’ from his gang.
(https://i.imgur.com/a1v3HDO.jpg)
Unbeknownst to Tony one of his gang is a nark and has phoned the location of the Cowie Firm and the kidnapped Mayoress into the local nick at Gasforth (had it been the nark who had so carelessly littered the green with his Spangles wrappers?).
(https://i.imgur.com/PSShhDT.jpg)
DI Derek Grim, DC Gary Boyle and Inspector Raymond Fowler are on the case…
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THE VILLAINS
Doug has appropriately taken the part of the big-time gangster 'Swiss' Tony Cowie and Vagabond is playing the part of hard-bitten Sweeny commander, DCI Frank Hawley.
Here are some photos of the Cowie Firm. Not all can be revealed at present as parts of the game remain opaque to the participants.
(https://i.imgur.com/AouF0b8.jpg)
L to R: Terry Shortcake, Dinsdale Piranha, 'Swiss' Tony, Doug Piranha, Verne Cocklecarrot
Verne is Tony’s hitman. Verne started his career as a psychopath at an early age. Firstly by pulling the wings off insects, then tying fireworks to cats’ tails, he finally graduated in his teens to setting fire to sleeping tramps, well ‘Mariah Carey’.
Doug and Dinsdale are Tony’s minders, their favourite trick, nailing people’s heads to the floor!
“Presenter: One small-time operator who fell foul of Dinsdale Piranha was Vince Snetterton-Lewis.
Vince: Well one day I was at home threatening the kids when I looks out through the hole in the wall and sees this tank pull up and out gets one of Dinsdale's boys, so he comes in nice and friendly and says Dinsdale wants to have a word with me, so he chains me to the back of the tank and takes me for a scrape round to Dinsdale's place and Dinsdale's there in the conversation pit with Doug and Charles Paisley, the baby crusher, and two film producers and a man they called 'Kierkegaard', who just sat there biting the heads off whippets and Dinsdale says 'I hear you've been a naughty boy Clement' and he splits me nostrils open and saws me leg off and pulls me liver out and I tell him my name's not Clement and then... he loses his temper and nails me head to the floor.”
(https://i.imgur.com/s28EzjP.jpg)
L to R: Frank 'Snorter' Bough, Bifferidge 'Biffa' Bacon, Bertie 'Knuckles' Strangelove, Eric 'Brains' Daft
(https://i.imgur.com/y5Zj9Uy.jpg)
L to R: Otis 'The Enforcer' Spunkmeyer, ex-Major Crispin Carshalton Cadwallader
Otis ‘The Enforcer’ Spunkmeyer is originally from the famous baking family but Otis got in with the wrong crowd. Very tasty in a ruck! ex-Major Crispin Carshalton Cadwallader (note the Guards tie) was cashiered from the Coldstream Guards after it was discovered he was embezzling the Mess Funds.
(https://i.imgur.com/16D1mKZ.jpg)
Dame Christabell Wickham QC was last seen being bundled in to a Pickfords Dormobile with a sack over her head.
(https://i.imgur.com/oLUaYpW.jpg)
The Cowie Firm checking out the environs of Snapcase Hall.
Some more members of the Firm, not yet mentioned. In the red top left of Mimsie is Elsie Tanner, a local tom. Elsie grew up on the council estate and was very popular at Gasforth Secondary Modern (when she wasn’t bunking off)! She acts as a look-out for ‘Swiss’ Tony’s hide-out, she’s a natural for standing around on street corners. She’s holding her hands in that rather odd position because she’s saying “I ‘ad a ruby last night, must ‘ave been dodgy, I’ve got a right nasty case of Tia Maria!”
Right of Doug Piranha is ‘Camp’ Freddie who you will of course, remember from the Italian Job. Camp Freddie looked after Mr Bridger's operations outside of jail. Camp Freddie now works for ‘Swiss’ Tony and is ‘brain’ rather than brawn! Freddie is seen here wearing his purple crushed-velvet suit, blue suede shoes and sipping a Crème de Menthe.
Right of 'Camp' Freddie is Dame Christabelle Wickham QC, Lady Mayoress of Gasforth. She was abducted on her way home from a Charity Ball, hence the evening gown.
(https://i.imgur.com/HKv0PSH.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/SaTzdai.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/j5yzGg0.jpg)
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THE PLOD
Frank and Raymond have had to assemble a scratch-force of 'bules to assist in the rescue of the Lady Mayoress. Most of CID have gone down the pub (the Pink Pelican Inn at Higgleford-cum-Wortlebury-beneath-the-Hill is very popular with CID officers) or are off to see a bird (it's the late '60s or early '70s, kipper ties, side-burns and flares are the order of the day).
Here are some of Gasforth's finest, ready to take on the infamous Cowie Firm.
(https://i.imgur.com/i6YJJ4y.jpg)
L to R: DCI Frank Hawley, DI Derek Grim
(Grim really needs to learn where he should be pointing his shooter)
(https://i.imgur.com/V4gwan8.jpg)
L to R: PC George Gently, Sergeant 'Fancy' Smith, PC Frank Gladstone
(https://i.imgur.com/dn8kz24.jpg)
L to R: Inspector Raymond Fowler, Sergeant Patricia Dawkins
(looks like Pat has overdone the lippy again)
(https://i.imgur.com/2AZIBOC.jpg)
L to R: Jason King, 'Camp' Freddie
You may be forgiven for thinking that the figure on the left is Doug em4 in his younger days. The very model of sartorial elegance as he wanders up and down the Kings Road in the early ‘70s, chatting up the mini-skirted dolly-birds. However, you would be mistaken as it is in fact Jason King from Department S. Department S as you are no doubt aware, is a division of Interpol headed by international bureaucrat Sir Curtis Seretse. Its headquarters is in Paris and its members investigate international cases that other crime agencies cannot solve. Jason King will be on hand to advise the police if required in the abduction of the Lady Mayoress.
King is seen here pumping 'Camp' Freddie for information.
(https://i.imgur.com/rgT5zqI.jpg)
L to R: Elsie Tanner, DC Barbara 'Babs' Windsor
Babs is from Cheapside and is the first female in Gasforth CID. Inspector Grim was going to fail her on her first day as a probationary DC but then observed a fascinating phenomena. Part of Babs’ anatomy can appear in the CID office a significant time before the rest of her makes an appearance. Grim has told her that she can make the tea and do the paperwork (it’s the late '60s to early ‘70s remember).
As Jason King is pumping Freddie, Babs is pumping Elsie!
...and last but not least, some of the Gasforth woodentops.
(https://i.imgur.com/UFG6EO9.jpg)
L to R: PC George Dixon, WPC Jane Tennison, PC Robert Lewis, PC Kevin Goody, WPC Maggie Habib
(https://i.imgur.com/9uaMicW.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/xhj87Q3.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/I79vJJa.jpg)
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(https://i.imgur.com/TX1CR4I.jpg)
POLICE BRIEFING
Subject: Operation Hampton Wick
Location: Snapcase Hall, Much-Piddling, Mid-Devon
Time: 01:00am, Thursday 4th June, 1973
DCI Frank Hawley, Flying Squad
“Alright, alright you lot, shut it! Here’s what’s going down. In the early hours of Sunday May 31st, Dame Christabelle Wickham QC was making her way home from the Charity Ball at Gasforth Town Hall. Dame Christabelle is the Mayoress of Gasforth. Armed persons unknown, wearing balaclavas, stopped her taxi in Bloody Lane, Higgleford-cum-Wortlebury-beneath-the-Hill, just before the Pink Pelican Inn. Dame Christabelle was heading for her country residence in Fannys Bottom. She was last seen by the taxi driver being bundled into a Pickfords Dormobile with a sack over her head.
Inspector Fowler here, your station officer at Gasforth nick, has been the victim of an extortion attempt. An anonymous caller offered to release the mayoress in return for ‘Swiss’ Tony’s thumbprint evidence from the Market Snodsbury bank heist. Obviously ‘Swiss’ and his scrotes are involved in the kidnapping.
Inspector Fowler of course, would not succumb to this intimidation and requested the help of a Flying Squad officer, hence my arrival. You woodentops are not used to dealing with mad geezers such as ‘Swiss’ Tony but you are all I’ve got for the moment.
The only lead we have is that one of DI Grim’s narks says a dodgy gang of slags has rented Snapcase Hall in Much-Piddling for the summer. We believe this is the hide-out for ‘Swiss’ Tony. We don’t know how many of the Cowie Firm (‘Swiss’ Tony Cowie’s gang) are likely to be involved, so you are all coming with me to get the mayoress out of their grubby little Germans. All we have is this sketch map drawn by Derek Grim’s nark. It’s not very detailed so we are going to have to go in sneaky-beaky like.
(https://i.imgur.com/h31PXS2.jpg)
‘Swiss’ Tony is so hard you could roller-skate on him. He hates coppers and has already served porridge for GBH and attempted murder on a rival scrote. Handle this geezer with care, he is bound to be armed. He will probably have his minders with him, Doug and Dinsdale Piranha. They are both as thick as a docker’s sandwich but Dinsdale has a nasty habit of nailing people’s heads to the floor, so watch out! There will be more of these slags, but we just don’t know who.
We are going to go in quiet-like at night. Derek Grim’s nark is supposed to phone us and let us know where any guards are likely to be situated, so nothing happens until we get that call. In the meantime, get yourselves tooled up and send that PC Goody to get us all a bag of chips. I’m the Sweeny son, and I ain’t had me dinner!”
(https://i.imgur.com/YYCxhOP.jpg)
The following may be of some help to those of you not well-versed in Cockney rhyming slang. 'Ave some of that, my son!
(https://i.imgur.com/zoXsUvN.jpg)
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Brilliant!
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How lovely lol
Has clearly kept you amused for some considerable time already :)
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Loved those old Police Hillmans, that looked like they were painted with leftovers originally intended for the underside of a Messerschmitt. :) I didn't see "Berkshire Hunt" (or Berk) on the Rhyming Slang Dictionary. Just as well, I guess, as it's one of the few words that the LAF profanity filter will actually jump on and cart off in a black van.
What do yo think of that then, you bunch of c***s?
Hehe! See? lol
Nice one! Dick I Chavvy! It's the mudtown slosher! Know what I mean, eh? Know what I mean? (No, I bloody don't!)
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Am I bovvered?
I guess I am. Keep on reporting what will happen! :D
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Looking forward to the after action report
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Many thanks all, for your very kind comments. I am having a great time with all this nonsense and nostalgia, I hope Doug and Vagabond are too.
I didn't see "Berkshire Hunt" (or Berk) on the Rhyming Slang Dictionary. Just as well, I guess, as it's one of the few words that the LAF profanity filter will actually jump on and cart off in a black van.
lol lol lol Funnily enough, when I was at school donkeys ears ago (just after the Boer War!) we used to call each other 'berks' without having a clue what it meant!
Dick I Chavvy! It's the mudtown slosher! Know what I mean, eh? Know what I mean?
Lovely jubbly, sweet as a nut!
You may enjoy 'Swiss' Tony's briefing to his Firm before the game started so I will reproduce it here:
“Listen in, scrotes, Tony’s rabbiting. Germans out of your Sky Rockets and Bottles of Beer open. I want Rory McGrath of you to case the joint at the Snapcase Emporium tonight. This is the Greengages blag I told you about. I need one of you slags to Back Yard the Wickham bird and the Birds Nest of you are going to be Back Yarding this Bicycle Pump all through the Marmite. My Bag for Life and I will be Zigging and Zagging, so do not Mixed Herb. Got it?”
In order to avoid confusion, I will attempt to translate Tony’s rabbit into English.
“Listen in, chaps, Tony is talking. Please remove your hands from your pockets and open your ears. I want half of you to reconnoitre the Snapcase Emporium tonight. This is related to my plan to steal the wages delivery. I would like one of you to guard our kidnap victim, the Lady Mayoress. The rest of you chaps if you would oblige, I would like you to spend the night guarding Snapcase Hall. Mimsie and I intend to indulge in sexual intercourse and would like not to be disturbed. Is this clear?”
I have to say that Doug and Vagabond are getting into the spirit of the game. The usual plethora of insults have been exchanged by e-mail. Vagabond has produced his Incident Board which is part of his briefing as DCI Hawley at Gasforth Nick. It is a thing of beauty and I post it here so you can share the fun. I love it!
(https://i.imgur.com/tVMPgVG.jpg)
The yellow rectangles on the Hall photos indicate possible entry points.
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THE GAME'S AFOOT
Security has been kept tight down the Gasforth nick. DCI Hawley has some concerns that details of his planned raid on Snapcase Hall may leak out via a bent copper. Consequently, he's allowed none of the woodentops to go home and get an extra jumper or even pick up some spam sandwiches, harsh indeed! He's even disconnected the phone lines! PC Goody knows his mum will be doing her raving nana! He's only got a packet of Spangles left, after eating his Crunchie and a Mars Bar earlier.
The nark has come good and Patricia Dawkins has picked up the sketch of the guard positions from a dead-drop. The raid is on!
(https://i.imgur.com/t2TQ0Ki.jpg)
(As the police, all Vagabond has to work with, to make his plans is the sketch map. Doug can make his dispositions with the aid of detailed plans and photos as he is in possession of the Hall and grounds.)
In the dead of night, the rescue force sets out in their vehicles to a secret rendezvous in a field behind Cold Comfort Farm. DI Grim has bribed Amos Starkadder, the farmer with a ten-bob note to keep shtum about the coppers arrival. Unfortunately, as they exit their vehicles it comes on to rain. By happy chance, the plod have found the burnt-out remains of the Pickfords van used to kidnap Dame Christabelle Wickham QC. DCI Hawley gives his final briefing to the assembled 'bules and concludes by hoping that this shower will pass by the time they begin their assault.
A very short video.
https://i.imgur.com/PJNSVUl.mp4
As they begin their night time trudge through the mud towards Snapcase Hall, more than one plod is starting to discover that adrenaline is brown!
(https://i.imgur.com/4Zz5R0X.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/wJcCuOG.jpg)
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Gone a bit Pete Tong here! ;)
This post should have been posted before the raid began, however a senior moment occurred. :o
In the planning stage, Vagabond was very keen to get hold of better plans than the sketch map he had been given. He dispatched some coppers to visit the aforementioned estate agents to obtain the plans of Snapcase Hall. In a bid to foil him (as I wanted him to work from the sketch only) I came up with the following guff to defeat his cunning plan.
DCI Hawley thinking on his feet, has dispatched 'Fancy' Smith and Maggie Habib to the premises of Blush, Cringe and Flinch - Quality Estate Agents of Much-Piddling. The intention is to obtain more detailed information regarding the layout of Snapcase Hall.
Here is an extract from Frank Hawley's briefing and planning session.
Get me a plan of the Hall from that estate agent, I don’t care what time of night it is send the blues and twos and get them out of bed and those plans in my hands in 2 hours. Smith you take Habib and don’t take no for an answer from the Agents. At the very least I want to know where they might be holding the target, my bet is either in the top of the house or the basement but I need more information.
Accordingly, the two coppers get in the Hillman Imp squad car and switch on the 'blues and twos'. Travelling at high speed (in excess of 40m.p.h. in some places) they head towards the offices of Blush, Cringe and Flinch in Much-Piddling.
(https://i.imgur.com/ggk1ENX.jpg)
As they near there destination, Maggie starts to think there may be a problem. She can hear other 'blues and twos' in the vicinity. "somethings not right, Sarge" she says. As they brake to a halt, the startling truth becomes clear. The offices of Blush, Cringe and Flinch are ablaze.
(https://i.imgur.com/sd7U4Ts.jpg)
After having a word with the Fire officer, one Captain Flack, Maggie discovers that the firemen suspect arson. Meanwhile, 'Fancy' is having a word with a near neighbour about the whereabouts of the occupants of the blazing office. It transpires that they and their families have gone on an all-expenses paid holiday to the Caribbean. Apparently an anonymous well-wisher thought they deserved a decent break, away from the stresses of business in Much-Piddling. 'Fancy' and Maggie confer and decide that undoubtedly 'Swiss' Tony has had a hand in this and is clearing away any loose ends. The pair of disappointed coppers return to the nick empty-handed, ready to face the wrath of DCI Hawley. Not a great start to Operation Hampton Wick!
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That sketch map the Old Bill have got hold of explains a lot. When I get hold of that nark I’ll treat him to a long, slow look at his own insides.....
Doug
aka Swiss Tony
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loving it :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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Great entertainment!
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There's more to be learned here than on my briefings, there's an awful lot of scroat's, baby sitting Le Gruyère and most of them seem to have shooters.
Plod is in full swing, truncheons at the ready, the WPC's are as brave as badgers, our tame spook is as helpful as you would expect from someone dressed like the dinner of the dog but they're all deputized as acting Sweeny so the mob had better have it away on their toes before they get battered.
We're going to have full cells at Gasforth Nick tonight, unless we have to send them to the Mortuary in canvas bags.
Well I hope so at any rate.
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the WPC's are as brave as badgers
They share many other characteristics with that creature, including hairy, pie-bald faces and a pungent odour...
lol
Swiss Tony
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There's more to be learned here than on my briefings,
Yes, it's quite tricky posting here whilst the game is afoot! I can't post the Turn 1 photos yet because although we are about to start Turn 6, they would give away some info that Doug has not yet seen in the 'fog of war'! There are some tasty rucks in progess!
the WPC's are as brave as badgers
including hairy, pie-bald faces and a pungent odour...
Presumably you are excluding the lovely WPC Maggie Habib from this diatribe?
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Presumably you are excluding the lovely WPC Maggie Habib from this diatribe?
I hesitate to correct the Supreme Arbiter but, "diatribe"? 'It’s only an observation, based on indisputable facts.
Regarding the lady you are referring to, I’ll let you know once we’ve shot her....
Swiss T
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Regarding the lady you are referring to, I’ll let you know once we’ve shot her....
lol lol lol lol lol
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What a magnificent fun adventure. I don't understand at least half of what is said but it's magnificent anyway. lol
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What a magnificent fun adventure. I don't understand at least half of what is said but it's magnificent anyway. lol
I don't think I understand all of it either, syrinx0! lol
What a magnificent fun adventure.
Thanks, we are having a lot of fun with it. I will be starting the post the AAR soon, watch this space.
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TURN 1
In the pre-game set-up, there were some pre-conditions the players had to follow. Doug was tasked to put six guards out in the grounds of Snapcase Hall. These guards could be in cover but not inside buildings. Within the Hall, he had to pick a room for him and Mimsie to spend the night in. The Lady Mayoress and one guard were to be in another room. Although Vagabond was not aware of this, the other six members of the Cowie Firm were dispatched on a recce for a future wages snatch. They were to be available as reinforcements later in the game, at the discretion of the GM. The six guards in the garden were then under the control of the GM, using the stealth rules from Black Ops. The rules used were a mixture of Black Ops from Osprey, GEEZERS! "Shut It!" from Killer B Games and the rest I made up as we went along! This meant that Doug had very limited control at the start. 'Swiss' Tony could not emerge and take control until the alarm was raised by the guards in the garden. When the alarm was raised, Doug would then fully control all his figures on the board.
The game itself was designed to have two separate tables, the exterior of Snapcase Hall and the interior. The photos will have to wait for a later post as the game is still in progress. Only views that the players can see are being posted.
Vagabond has to plan his raid with only the sketch map previously published. The guards positions were roughly marked on a second sketch map obtained from DI Grim's nark.
The forces on either side are not balanced, due to laziness on my part. I just used whatever figures I had which were painted. The coppers are superior in numbers and training but the Cowie Firm have more shooters!
Without more ado - Turn 1
'Swiss' Tony is tinkling the ivories with Mimsie in the Ball Room
(https://i.imgur.com/IYzc5Oa.jpg)
In the nearby Library, Major Crispin Cadwallader guards Dame Christabelle.
(https://i.imgur.com/cxIQSiW.jpg)
In this photo, at the start of the game, Fowler and Goody are approaching the main gate (bottom right). Luther and 'Fancy' Smith are bottom left. Two guards are in cover behind the fir trees in the front garden. 'Camp' Freddie and Dinsdale are guarding the doors on the east side of the Hall. The two police assault teams (Hawley and Dawkins) facing them are not yet visible as it is dark.
(https://i.imgur.com/559MlvN.jpg)
In this view, Jason King can be seen (bottom, centre) hiding behind the brick wall. Grim and Windsor's teams are just left of the other end of the brick wall. 'Snorter' Bough can just be seen under the tree near the steps to the westernmost back door.
(https://i.imgur.com/hkIjcCx.jpg)
The sixth guard, Billy the Fish is hiding behind the bins on the west side of the Hall.
(https://i.imgur.com/rFmzHFF.jpg)
This is Cold Comfort Farm. The police have parked their vehicles here. Vagabond needs to get the Lady Mayoress back to the vehicles and safety.
(https://i.imgur.com/ajBuhQg.jpg)
Vagabond's raid on Snapcase hall is planned to start when the church clock at nearby Steeple Bumpleigh strikes 05:00am.
The clouds temporarily uncover the moon as the church clock at Steeple Bumpleigh starts to chime the hour of 05:00am. An owl hoots somewhere over in the vicinity of Smattering Woods. There is a light drizzle and visibility is still limited.
Bong!
Bong!
Bong!
(https://i.imgur.com/Wqp7wVr.jpg)
PC Luther with his silenced sniper rifle opens the batting by shooting at Dinsdale. Unfortunately, he misses.
(https://i.imgur.com/c2k6OHQ.jpg)
Dinsdale Piranha, who is on guard at one of the eastern doors hears a sort of weird zipping noise and a disturbance in the air by his right ear. The church clock is on its third bong. Being as thick as a miner’s sandwich, he has no idea what the noise is. He advances in the direction that he thought the sound came from. ‘Camp’ Freddie who is nearby heard nothing. Dinsdale peers into the darkness in all directions but sees nothing.
(https://i.imgur.com/D9JIlFf.jpg)
Jason King moves along the exterior of the brick wall (marked here by a red gem) as the figure would have fallen off the table!).
(https://i.imgur.com/DvdgZHH.jpg)
DI Grim and DC Windsor move their teams forward cautiously, looking for the guard on the west side, marked on their sketch map.
(https://i.imgur.com/OBf4qzh.jpg)
To be continued...
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I don't think I understand all of it either, syrinx0! lol
That explains so much..... :o
Swiss Tony
aka Doug
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As always, a Snapcase action report is never to be missed!
Always happy to see the Pirahana brothers in action. DINSDALE!
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That explains so much.....
;)
As always, a Snapcase action report is never to be missed!
Very kind of you to say so, Fram. Bags more action to come. I am taking the players through turn 8 this morning and will be posting turn 2 here this morning.
:)
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TURN 2
Bong!
Bong!
A very short video:
https://imgur.com/QcwWJ7y
As the church clocks strikes five, the assault goes in. This is the agreed signal from the briefing back at the nick.
Jason King moves cautiously along the outside of the wall (once again marked by the red gem, the purple one represents noise made). He attempts to climb the wall behind the pig-sty but somehow his Savile Row suit gets caught on the wall and he goes arse over tit or 'aris over first-aid kit' if you will, landing on the same side of the wall that he attempted the climb from. Hence, the noise marker.
(https://i.imgur.com/UGewHK1.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/0gcvY3z.jpg)
Meanwhile, on the other side of the Hall, Grim is leading WPC Habib and PC Gene Hunt in a search for the west side sentry. he whispers to his team "this is a very important operation. Now it's my arse, and if you stuff it I'm going to end up very red in the face".Using caution and the cover of the brick wall, Derek Grim discerns a movement behind the rubbish bins. Billy the Fish behind the bins, brings his pistol up just at the same moment as Grim. An exchange of shots in the dark, Billy is down and Grim has had his hair parted but is OK. He hopes that in the dark, the wet stain on the front of his trousers is not visible to his colleagues.
(https://i.imgur.com/JjSzVXY.jpg)
In the back garden, Frank 'Snorter' Bough hears a noise (Grim and Billy the Fish exchanging shots) and starts to patrol the grounds.
(https://i.imgur.com/eF0GapN.jpg)
At the front of the Hall, Otis Spunkmeyer and Eric Daft are also hearing noises which means they start moving about. Otis makes a random move but Daft comes under Doug's immediate control.
(https://i.imgur.com/TNACJrB.jpg)
PC Luther has reloaded his sniper rifle with the assistance of 'Fancy' Smith and has another pop at Dinsdale. This time with more success and Dinsdale goes down like a sack of Roy Hudds. 'Camp' Freddie who is guarding the door next to Dinsdale, see the big man drop and moves forward to investigate. He cannot see anyone yet. At that moment, the two teams on the east side of the Hall move forward to assault the doors. DCI Hawley's team have a clear run but Sergeant Patricia Dawkins team run into 'Camp' Freddie and a rather tasty ruck develops. The Plod are mainly armed with truncheons but Freddie produces a wicked-looking machete from under his purple crushed-velvet jacket.
(https://i.imgur.com/xvBddC0.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/id41Q9T.jpg)
More noise is generated by the coppers big boots running across the garden and by the punch-up at the fountain.
'Camp' Freddie whose looks belie his vicious nature, swings his machete and PC Reg Hollis takes a nasty cut to the bonce and collapses into the fountain.
(https://i.imgur.com/sZaahSZ.jpg)
Eric 'Brains' daft runs to join the fight. Pat Dawkins is looking in her bag for the ammonia spray she habitually carries.
(https://i.imgur.com/fNhACab.jpg)
With all the noise counters and a propitious dice throw, first Mimsie Slopcorner and then 'Swiss' Tony himself are awakened by the racket.
(https://i.imgur.com/mgSu2J2.jpg)
To be continued...
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With Mimsie and 'Swiss' Tony up and about it's sure to get more interesting. lol
I think I really need a Mimsie and Tony for my pulp collection...
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Loving it fellas!
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Thanks syrinx0 and marianas_gamer.
I have to apologise for the long delay in any more reports being added to this thread. This is due to a trapped nerve in my spine. Sitting at the PC and typing was just making it worse, so I took a bit of a break. It's starting to ease now, so back to the action with turn 3. I've started using a vertical mouse and a new keyboard and that is helping as well.
TURN 3
Otis moves to the north-west corner of the Hall to see what has happened to Billy the Fish.
(https://i.imgur.com/FMLHuZL.jpg)
He cautiously peers round the corner and is astounded to see coppers everywhere. He can see three rozzers trying to open the side door. Further behind them is more movement in the dark. It looks like Billy the Fish has had his chips! Otis could have shot at the coppers but decided it was in his best interest not to announce his presence.
Inspector Fowler and PC Goody advance towards the main gate to Snapcase Hall. "You'd better have your truncheon in your truncheon-pocket and not a Curly-Wurly" snaps Fowler as they advance.
(https://i.imgur.com/rCWOIkA.jpg)
Fowler and Goody's view of the Hall, they just catch a glimpse of Otis who is scouting the west side.
(https://i.imgur.com/I5BBDEH.jpg)
Jason King has now managed to climb the wall behind the pig sty. He is desperately trying to keep away from any pig shit which might soil his elegant Carnaby Street suit. Outside of King's hearing, DCI Hawley tends to refer to King as "that ponce!" Jason King cannot see anybody yet. 'Snorter' is out of sight behind the woodshed.
(https://i.imgur.com/xffZfUz.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/pfUNeXt.jpg)
'Swiss' Tony and Mimsie move into the central hallway to see what's going on. They can hear noises at the entrances to the east and west of the Hall.
(https://i.imgur.com/m8vmJIT.jpg)
Over on the east side of the Hall, the action is hotting up! As 'Daft' runs over to assist 'Camp' Freddie in the ruck, PC Luther takes a shot at him with his sniper rifle. Eric is running and in the dark, Luther shoots wide. 'Daft' joins the ruck.
(https://i.imgur.com/UB8GcG9.jpg)
WPC Jane Tennison has observed Eric's approach. Taking her ammonia spray from her police-issue handbag, she sprays it right into Eric's boat race. Eric is out of the game. Dixon and Freddie are still at each other's throats. Dixon seems to be gaining the upper hand but Freddie just won't go down.
(https://i.imgur.com/PxgRlFI.jpg)
Three of the four assault teams have now reached their objective and are confronted with locked doors. There were nine possible entrances and Doug was given the choice at the start of the game as to whether he wanted individual doors locked or not. Doug elected to keep one of the southern doors open, next to Frank Bough and also leave the main door to the Hall open. All the rest were locked.
The assault teams line up to batter down the doors.
(https://i.imgur.com/KhSsUI6.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/UYVazaZ.jpg)
To be continued...
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At this stage, Swiss Tony was already composing a very stiff letter to the Police Complaints Commissioner concerning use of firearms and damage to property. He was using words like “disgrace” and "law-abiding citizen" and, once he got into his stride, "unwonted and unacceptable behaviour not expected from members of Her Majesty's constabulary".
"That’ll teach them", he thought. Time would tell if he was to be proved right....
Carry on, Snapcase - this is bringing it all back to me.....
Doug
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Thanks, Doug.
TURN 4
The three assault teams who discovered the locked doors in the last turn, now take one turn to break the doors down. Luckily, DCI Hawley had remembered to issue sledge hammers to each of the assault teams. During the game, I e-mailed photos to each player, but only photos which showed what their characters could see, if that makes sense? Some of the photos sent were not particularly good photos but were used to show the player what an individual could see.
The assault teams were sent a view of what they could see after they had broken down the doors.
DC 'Babs' Windsor's view.
(https://i.imgur.com/bJluaUJ.jpg)
DCI Frank Hawley's view.
(https://i.imgur.com/0TO8dsk.jpg)
DI Derek Grim's view.
(https://i.imgur.com/YaLcU7N.jpg)
'Swiss' Tony and Mimsie take cover by the western side of the hallway. The Snapcase Hall model was built without any doors, so I had to keep remembering to put bits of black card in for the photos. All internal doors were unlocked but were all closed.
(https://i.imgur.com/v70341m.jpg)
'Swiss' Tony's view down the corridor.
(https://i.imgur.com/KBrcx17.jpg)
Otis enters the Hall via the unlocked main door.
(https://i.imgur.com/we4FYkN.jpg)
Inspector Fowler and PC Goody find the main gates unlocked, open them up and move towards the Hall. They observe Otis entering the Hall and conclude that the main door must be unlocked.
(https://i.imgur.com/nTbHj8d.jpg)
In the back garden, Frank 'Snorter' Bough and Jason King confront each other.
Frank ‘Snorter’ Bough moves forward with his ‘nostrils’ at the ready. He can hear the ruck on the east side of the Hall and decides to check out the back garden. At the same time, Jason King emerges from behind the pig-sty cursing the muck that’s getting on his Carnaby Street trousers. They see each other at the same time, both raise their weapons (King with a pistol, Bough with a sawn-off shotgun) and fire. In somewhat of an anti-climax both miss each other!
(https://i.imgur.com/tt79jkx.jpg)
As ‘Camp’ Freddie bravely battles it out on the east side, PC John Luther and Sergeant ‘Fancy’ Smith rush to join the fight. Well, Luther does, ‘Fancy’ has had too many doughnuts and arrives short of the fight, gasping for air! Freddie has George Dixon to his front battering him with his truncheon, Sergeant Dawkins has got her ammonia spray out of her handbag and sprayed poor Freddie in the face and to cap it all, Luther has come up behind him and clubbed Freddie on the back of his head with his rifle butt. Freddie has no option but to expire gracefully in front of the door he has so valiantly defended.
(https://i.imgur.com/XBMUePT.jpg)
To be continued...
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Thanks syrinx0 and marianas_gamer.
I have to apologise for the long delay in any more reports being added to this thread. This is due to a trapped nerve in my spine.
No need to apologize. I have a 'compressed' nerve in my neck due to arthritis that can make my arms useless if pushed too far. You have to take care of yourself! God help us when we actually get old...
Excellent updates. DC Babs better watch the entrance. Swiss Tony doesn't seem the type to confine himself to strongly written letters.
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God help us when we actually get old...
Don't even think about it! lol
Swiss Tony doesn't seem the type to confine himself to strongly written letters.
A very shrewd observation, if I may say so, syrinx0! ;)
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Excellent new posts! Love the interiors :-*
As for arthritis ,I’ve got three compressed nerves in my cervical spine; maybe we should form a club?
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Thanks, Blackwolf.
As for arthritis ,I’ve got three compressed nerves in my cervical spine; maybe we should form a club?
I'm starting to worry now, is this some sort of ailment common to miniature painters? :o
We should definitely form a club, as you suggest. We'll call ourselves The Spinal Nerves!
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Haha,possibly. My physio says I'm a bit hunched over,maybe it's the ,cough. Age group?
The Spinal Nerves, I like it :) Let it be written in stone :D
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Times like this make me wish I were a Brit, so I could understand all the references! What a great game, must be a pleasure to game with you.
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I'm starting to worry now, is this some sort of ailment common to miniature painters? :o
We should definitely form a club, as you suggest. We'll call ourselves The Spinal Nerves!
I like the name. lol
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Times like this make me wish I were a Brit, so I could understand all the references! What a great game, must be a pleasure to game with you.
I don't think even my gaming partners get all the references! So you are not alone, but thanks for your kind remarks. :)
So, The Spinal Nerves it is.
The founding members, in no particular order:
syrinx0
Blackwolf
Mad Lord Snapcase
Should you be the proud possessor of some sort of trapped/compressed nerve in your spine, sign up here! Join a very elite, esteemed, venerable and distinguished group of gamers in The Spinal Nerves Club.
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........must be a pleasure to game with you.
I can tell you, it is (I think). I add that caveat because quite often, when gaming with His Lordship, things get hazy. Too many glasses of Mrs Slocum's Pussy (a Snapcase signature cocktail) can lead to a state of uncomprehending euphoria......
Cheers....
Doug
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Excellent, ripping yarns! More please
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Excellent, ripping yarns! More please
Happy to oblige, dadlamassu.
Doug, yes as you say my signature cocktail, riskily entitled 'Mrs. Slocombe's Pussy' is designed to stiffen the sinews and summon up the blood!
A brief interlude between turns to reveal the set-up.
It may be helpful at this juncture to show the plans of Snapcase Hall. As the inhabitant, 'Swiss' Tony obviously had access to these. DCI Hawley played the game with only a sketch map of the external environs and no knowledge whatsoever of the internal set-up. Each time he opened a door he did not know what was behind it. I couldn't post these photos whilst the game was in progress as DCI Hawley had to be kept in the dark.
This shows the interior of Snapcase Hall.
(https://i.imgur.com/2tIXEJe.jpg)
This shows the interior with the rooms labelled. 'Swiss' and Mimsie started the game in the Ball Room but are now in the Main Hall. The Major and his kidnap victim the Lady Mayoress are in the Library.
(https://i.imgur.com/r59ono7.jpg)
This shows the doors, red stars indicating external doors and green stars indicating internal doors. The red stars at the top and bottom of the photo are where the assault teams are entering the Hall.
(https://i.imgur.com/wr0fOed.jpg)
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TURN 5
Unbeknownst to DCI Hawley, a Jaguar screeches to a halt at the back gate to Snapcase Hall. The only representative of law and order to observe this is Jason King and he is engaged in a fight with 'Snorter' Bough. King has been thoughtfully provided with a radio by DCI Hawley, but is currently unable to use it, due to his being engaged in a bout of fisticuffs.
(https://i.imgur.com/3NUaBc3.jpg)
Out get six of the nastiest ruffians one would never hope to meet down a dark alley, alone at night. Really, one wouldn't even want to meet them in a cosy living room with all the lights on either! It is of course, Elsie Tanner, Bertie 'Knuckles' Strangelove, Doug Piranha, Bifferidge 'Biffa' Bacon, Verne Cocklecarrot and Terry Shortcake. They have returned from casing the Snapcase Emporium in Loose Chippings in preparation for the greengages snatch planned for later that month.
The fight between Bough and King continues.
(https://i.imgur.com/Wn7IM2x.jpg)
Meanwhile, indoors Otis Spunkmeyer runs towards 'Swiss' to get instructions. 'Swiss' Tony and Mimsie are in position to ambush any intruders.
(https://i.imgur.com/mtDT1C1.jpg)
Inspector Fowler and PC Goody have pursued Spunkmeyer inside through the unlocked main door. Having entered, they are confronted by three closed doors and spend precious seconds deciding which way to go.
(https://i.imgur.com/oI7JHaH.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/SVReHeN.jpg)
Sergeant Dawkins assembles her team after the demise of 'Camp' Freddie. George Dixon has the sledge hammer and batters down the door. They have a view up a long corridor with no one in sight.
(https://i.imgur.com/g6ooYhA.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/fFyVlhi.jpg)
DCI Hawley enters the Hall and finds himself in a room with three closed doors.
(https://i.imgur.com/Se7M0fQ.jpg)
DI Grim enters the Hall at the same time from the other side and finds himself in a room with a closed door opposite.
(https://i.imgur.com/PgoJjnX.jpg)
DC 'Babs' Windsor leads her team from the front and is half-way along the entrance corridor when tragedy strikes. 'Swiss' Tony leans around the corner and discharges his piece. It's a good shot and poor 'Babs' drops to the floor, mortally wounded. A young life cut short.
(https://i.imgur.com/d6sdhal.jpg)
PC George Gently jumps over 'Babs' to try and get to her killer.
Here's a shot of DC 'Babs' Windsor reporting for duty at Scotland Yard, before being assigned to DI Grim's CID unit at Gasforth nick.
(https://i.imgur.com/MrKvWPz.jpg)
To be continued...
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In many ways, the High Point of the doughty defenders daring defiance. At least Babs died as she had lived - on her back with frightened men trying to clamber over her.....
Doug
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D.C. Babs Windsor's young life was cut short by a brutal hooligan, well known for killing innocent and defenceless (ignoring the truncheon and pepper spray) young women.
We must hope that D.C.I. Hawley leading the Gasforth Coppers and using the famed Trident attack system as taught at Hendon Police College is able to avenge her death.
You may wonder why the Trident attack has been modified in the Gasforth Police raid on Snapcase Hall into the Pentadent attack system, all will be revealed as the raid progresses.
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From what is generally known about “Toothless” Hawley (as he is widely called), surely the Steradent attack system would be more appropriate?
Doug
Although, on reflection, you may be right:
https://m.facebook.com/pentadentclinic/ (https://m.facebook.com/pentadentclinic/)
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Poor Babs. I had a feeling this would not turn out well for her.
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Poor Babs. I had a feeling this would not turn out well for her.
Indeed, syrinx0, we can only hope she has gone to a better place.
TURN 6
Enraged by DC Babs Windsor being gunned down in front of them, PCs George Gently and Bob Lewis charge at the perpetrator, 'Swiss' Tony.
(https://i.imgur.com/6g49Fdw.jpg)
Calmly puffing on his cigar, 'Swiss' shoots Gently at close range, another copper down and 'Swiss' is feeling rather pleased with himself, having gunned down two rozzers in cold-blood before he's even had his breakfast. PC Bob Lewis can do nothing in the narrow corridor.
(https://i.imgur.com/e4yKWqO.jpg)
Meanwhile, in the Billiard Room next door, DI Grim makes his move. Resisting the urge to take his shirt off and do a 'Bruce Willis' (he had tried it back at the nick, but remained unconvinced whether it was his best look or not) he gingerly feels the knob of the door in front of him.
(https://i.imgur.com/X67h5GG.jpg)
Flinging the door open wide, Grim is confronted by the lovely vision that is Mimsie Slopcorner, Tony's gal!
(https://i.imgur.com/9c7q8jA.jpg)
Mimsie raises her pistol as does Grim. Shots are exchanged and in the sudden fury of it, it takes a second or two before Grim's team realise what has happened. Mimsie is on the floor and not moving, Grim has taken a flesh wound to the upper arm. Realising that he has so far come through relatively unscathed, Derek Grim begins to plan out how he will be relating this epic event back in the CID room at Gasforth nick.
(https://i.imgur.com/agyQDp9.jpg)
In the main hallway, Luther and Otis exchange shots. Otis, somewhat distracted by the big crack he's just noticed in the oak panelling, misses Luther completely. Luther scores a hit on Otis but Otis is still up and fighting.
(https://i.imgur.com/6Asak5t.jpg)
Out in the back garden, Jason King at last prevails and manages to biff Bough on the bonce with his crowbar. Doug Piranha and Elsie Tanner move towards the debonair agent whilst the other four make for the back door.
(https://i.imgur.com/fsxbkj4.jpg)
This gives King just enough time to get on his walkie-talkie and warn DCI Hawley that villainous reinforcements are coming up the back passage.
(https://i.imgur.com/UsXNvR9.jpg)
Fowler and Goody burst into the study expecting trouble but the study is empty.
(https://i.imgur.com/RGRVsgW.jpg)
'Fancy' Smith, Pat Dawkins and George Dixon enter the Dining Room from the corridor in time to see DCI Hawley assault an empty bathroom!
(https://i.imgur.com/9vYuVms.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/ewdI8aQ.jpg)
To be continued...
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TURN 7
All hell breaks loose in the hallway! You have to imagine all of this is happening at the same time. It took me some time to work through it.
PC Bob Lewis who is nearest to ‘Swiss’ charges forward with a cry of “You’re nicked, my son!”. Unfortunately, ‘Swiss’, who has just shot Gently and before that DC Windsor calmly takes aim and Lewis is down (does this mean he won’t be Morse’s assistant in the future?). ‘Swiss’ Tony backs away from the corridor, still facing the bodies.
(https://i.imgur.com/52lkFqv.jpg)
Unheard by Tony, Inspector Raymond Fowler appears from a door behind Tony (the Study) and is about to strike with his truncheon as Grim appears from the Billiard Room.
(https://i.imgur.com/559JPNZ.jpg)
‘Swiss’ Tony is now alone in the main hallway (I’ll come to Otis later) surrounded by coppers. In fact, 11 live ones to be precise and three dead coppers. “You won’t take me alive, coppers!” shouts Tony. Grim shouts to Fowler, “It is my arse on the line and I will not have you sticking your nose in and sniffing about!”.
(https://i.imgur.com/bOb5kEB.jpg)
Surrounded by the long arm of the law, Tony is defiant to the last, “stitch this, you fucking woodentops!” he ejaculates as the thin blue line draws ever tighter around him.
Grims shoots and Fowler strikes and ‘Swiss’ Tony, a legend in his own lunchtime, falls to the floor gasping, "made it, Ma! Top of the world!"
(https://i.imgur.com/zVyoDjX.jpg)
Well, everything may seem a bit of an anti-climax after that drama but there are no fat ladies in sight at the moment, singing or otherwise, so the game continues.
(https://i.imgur.com/7sRX8ba.png)
Whilst Fowler chose to go through the door into the hallway and take part in the demise of ‘Swiss’ Tony, PC Kevin Goody has stumbled onto the whole point of the game, Dame Christabelle Wickham QC, the Lady Mayoress of Gasforth.
Whilst Goody dithers about, trying to extract his truncheon from a pocket full of Spangles and Crunchie wrappers, Major Cadwallader takes a shot at Goody. The Lady Mayoress manages to knock his arm just as he shoots and the bullet takes the top off of Goody’s helmet. Should one be looking for it, a faint odour of urine now arises from Goody's uniform trouser area.
(https://i.imgur.com/ZaBWjRN.jpg)
Otis Spunkmeyer gets a shot in at PC Luther but misses, Luther, Smith and Dixon charge in and batter poor Otis to the floor.
(https://i.imgur.com/Hj63stq.jpg)
...meanwhile, out in the back garden, we return to the never-ending ruck with Jason King. Elsie Tanner, armed with her ammonia spray and Doug Piranha, armed with a pickaxe handle advance on King. “Ave some of this, ponce” grunts Doug.
(https://i.imgur.com/mCv8DKJ.jpg)
The doyen of Department S gets off one shot and Elsie is hit. “Bastard” she cries as she drops and Doug goes in, swinging his pickaxe handle. King’s crowbar is no defence against Doug Piranha in a rage and King breathes his last. In memory of his brother Dinsdale, Doug nails Jason’s head to the floor!
(https://i.imgur.com/NEzk35M.jpg)
Dawkins opens the door to the Ballroom. Gladstone tries to block the back door but its already locked. Hawley and Tennison head to the main hall area.
(https://i.imgur.com/DFbNVCP.jpg)
Bertie 'Knuckles' Strangelove, Bifferidge 'Biffa' Bacon, Verne Cocklecarrot and Terry Shortcake having penetrated the back passage, now enter the Hall via the Conservatory.
(https://i.imgur.com/yxYK8Gj.jpg)
To be continued...
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TURN 8 - The Denouement!
The four reprobates who entered the Conservatory in turn 7, now make their way into the Ballroom. Sergeant Pat Dawkins was peering in the door on the last turn. Seeing these plug-uglies arrive in the Ballroom, she turns and runs for the safety of the Dining Room.
(https://i.imgur.com/zaceZRg.jpg)
Unfortunately for the lovely Patricia, Terry Shortcake catches a glimpse of her running and gets a shot off. Just as Pat makes it to the doorway and possible safety, Terry's hastily fired shot hits her in the back and she's down, right in front of the astonished gaze of DCI Hawley who has reentered the Dining Room.
(https://i.imgur.com/xtZ2jq1.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/3x6M8vw.jpg)
Who will make funny faces behind Christabelle Wickham's back now?
(https://i.imgur.com/CIYHqNV.png)
Having disposed of Jason King, Doug Piranha moves towards the back door to assist his colleagues in the battle against the filth!
(https://i.imgur.com/yjKSv4U.jpg)
Luther, Smith and Dixon take up firing positions in the expectation of a running gun battle with the four thugs in the Ball Room.
(https://i.imgur.com/4JVmdn0.jpg)
Here I add the exact words from Doug ex-em4's e-mailed instructions for this turn. The major gets hold of the Mayoress from behind (steady....!), holds the gun to her head and shouts, "any coppers come in here, she gets it. I ain’t joking. And you, tosspot [i.e. PC Goody] fuck off out of it, NOW..." The Major was commissioned from the ranks, hence his language and attitude to ladies.
Meanwhile, in the Library, it’s all happening. The Major has uttered his threats to kill Dame Christabelle and blow me, Plod has just bloody ignored him and come in mob-handed! Fowler leads the charge with Maggie Habib and Gene Hunt behind him. Kevin Goody moves into the attack and Derek Grim appears in another doorway.
“Give up Cadwallader, you’re nicked!” shouts Fowler.
(https://i.imgur.com/e3rWkpR.jpg)
“Bollocks, coppers, I meant what I said!” and so saying, the ex-Major shoots poor old Christabelle in the head. (shades of Mimsie Hawley and Peaches Snapcase here! Déjà vu).
(https://i.imgur.com/tFP76lN.jpg)
The Mayoress is down and enraged all the coppers advance.
(https://i.imgur.com/EryXM7J.jpg)
There are tears streaming down Fowler’s face as he bludgeons Crispin Cadwallader with his truncheon. Raymond carries on clobbering the Major long after the Major has shuffled off this mortal coil. Raymond has to pulled off by Maggie Habib.
(https://i.imgur.com/8sztFGn.jpg)
Fowler is yet to learn of the demise of his partner, Pat Dawkins and he has seen his secret crush since junior school shot in front of him, quelle horreur! Quelle tragedie! As the dust settles in the Snapcase Hall Library, Raymond Fowler's mind drifts back to happier times. A memory of that time he fainted in his office and Christabelle was there to revive him. Patricia was none too happy though. That night when they got home, in a fit of pique she dashed Raymond's half-built Airfix 1/72 Lancaster Bomber to the kitchen floor. Happier times!
(https://i.imgur.com/W4R4VqJ.jpg)
At this point the remaining five scrotes decide that discretion is the better part of valour and remove themselves from the Hall heading for 'Swiss' Tony's Jaguar and freedom. As Maggie Habib tries to comfort Fowler, Derek Grim starts to daydream. Will this caper be enough for him to join the Gasforth Masons? He's been assiduously practising the Mason's initiation rites in the CID room with the assistance of Gary Boyle.
(https://i.imgur.com/mBkyABb.png)
Our tragedy in several diverse parts now has to end, as unhappily as it began. I would like to thank Doug ex-em4 and Vagabond for all the laughs and playing the game like the Gentlemen of Much-Piddling that they are! Well played, chaps.
The End.
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Phew.....! I’m exhausted just reading all that again.
Although a certain amount of opprobrium has been cast my way because of the major's brisk treatment of the mayoress, let us remember the appalling behaviour of the bizzies, gunning down in cold blood the fragrant Mimsie and battering the life out of good-hearted Elsie....At the very least, we look forward to a future investigation by UCOS or AC12 when those organisations have been created.
Meanwhile, don’t expect Law and Order to hang on to Swiss Tony for long. All over The Smoke, balaclavas are being washed and ironed, pick-axe handles are being lovingly soaked in linseed oil and Jags, Capris and Transits are being tweaked and tuned before Hell is unleashed on the Plod and Tony is restored to the arms of his loving families.
Snapcase, you devised and ran a brilliant game which also looked sumptuous - well done, M'lud.....Vagabond, well played. Despite your mistakes, errors and foolishness, you managed to use your everwhelmibg numerical superiority to scrape a win of sorts :D
Bitter? Moi? The very idea..... lol
Doug
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What a hilarious and engaging read! I can only imagine how much fun it was to be one of the players. Fantastic job, Snapcase -- they don't write game reports any better than that!
Mike Demana
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A very enjoyable tale of extreme pulpy action.
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Meanwhile, don’t expect Law and Order to hang on to Swiss Tony for long. All over The Smoke, balaclavas are being washed and ironed, pick-axe handles are being lovingly soaked in linseed oil and Jags, Capris and Transits are being tweaked and tuned before Hell is unleashed on the Plod and Tony is restored to the arms of his loving families.
If a sequel arrives, it will be the scenario from Geezers, where the villains attempt to free their boss whilst he is prison-bound in a police convoy. Lots of jam jars doing unecessary wheel-spins!
Doug, mikedemana and syrinx0, many thanks for your very kind comments.
Last word from 'Swiss' Tony, "'ave some of that, my son!"
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Last word from 'Swiss' Tony, "'ave some of that, my son!"
I think you'll find that is what he said just before Plod decided to take the law into the Laws hand and save the tax payers a shed load of money by kicking his head in..
A great game scenario, let down a little by the bad guy's poor showing and eventually running away.
Maybe next time?
Welll done Snapcase old chap, look forward to the next game..
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Flipping heck! Makes Get Carter (the original one) look like a springtime picnic,V. bloodthirsty!
May I direct you to the Rivers of London novels by Ben Aarronovitch,I think you may get a kick out of them,and some whimsical ideas :)
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Well done Snapcase old chap, look forward to the next game.
Thank you, my fellow Gentleman!
May I direct you to the Rivers of London novels by Ben Aarronovitch,I think you may get a kick out of them,and some whimsical ideas
Thanks, Blackwolf. I have to say, I am already a fan and avid reader of Ben Aaronovitch, I have 'The October Man' on my Kindle to read next. I agree with you, great reading.
Might I recommend in return, the Jackson Lamb - Slough House series by Mick Herron?
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Wonderful thank you :) I’ll give him a try.
PS You’re a man of excellent taste :)
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Wonderful thank you :) I’ll give him a try.
PS You’re a man of excellent taste :)
You flatter me, sir! My thanks.
Last word from 'Swiss' Tony, "'ave some of that, my son!"
Last word from DCI Frank Hawley "you're f*****g nicked, you scrote!"
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Great fun as always :D
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Indeed. Lovely stuff. Very evocative of a bygone era lol
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Indeed. Lovely stuff. Very evocative of a bygone era lol
It may be bygone to you young fellas; seems like only yesterday to me lol
Doug
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It may be bygone to you young fellas; seems like only yesterday to me lol
Doug
lol
I really enjoyed the reports Martin. Well done chaps.
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Only just caught up on this. Excellent stuff. ;)
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Many thanks everybody for your very kind comments. The madness will continue... ;)
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We expect nothing less lol
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Many thanks everybody for your very kind comments. The madness will continue... ;)
Look forward to it(the madness I mean...).