How To Cheat In Tabletop Wargaming!

[beefcake]

That last one does seem funny

[Harry Faversham]

To experience the Grand Masters of wargame chicanery/cheating their arses off, is to cross swords with my old enemies the Dynamic Dunderheads. Both in their 70s they shamelessly fake senile dementia to gain victory.

If things start going my way...

"Roll wot dice where?"

Is the first sign of their distress...

"That one you've got in your hand wot you've been happily rolling for the past hour!"

Said dice is then looked at, like it's a live grenade, and promptly launched table wards... where it misses a six foot square target* and rolls out of sight. What follows is the heights of lowness where cheating is concerned. Despite there being a box of 50 identical die/dices in the room, the 'spirit' dice must be recovered, down go the Dunderheads in geriatrik stereo. Twenty five minutes later they're ready for re-entry, and I enlist the aid of Herself to assist with an erection, together we get both idiots back to the vertical. A leisurely cup of tea ensues till sky high blood pressures stabilise then battle can recommence... by this time I've totally forgotten mi' masterplan, lost the very will to live, and defeat is inevitable. Once again, old age and treachery, have proved the better of dynamic youth and sound plan!

*After having the privilege and pleasure of shooting with these two sly old gits for over forty years, I can say without fear of contradiction, that they can still swot a fly crawling on their target at 50 metres, with a well placed round of .22 rimfire...
so how the fook do they miss a six foot square table at point blank range wiv a D6!!!

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Thanks for your comments on my blog, gentlemen! I enjoy them!

[Daeothar]

Years ago, myself and several others regularly participated in 40K tournaments in the Netherlands for a few years. Coming from friendly environments, usually gaming in eachother's homes, or in the local club, the shark-like attitude of the top tier players both amazed and appalled us all. We like(d) to win, and do/did our very best, but always within the limits of the rules and fair play.

So Grand Tournaments were only really fun on day two, when the remainder of the event was always played in the bottom half of the pack, where likeminded friendly gamers ended up. I never ran into blatant cheating there, although I do remember several times of obvious rules bending.

At one occasion, I was playing Necrons against IG, and there was a discussion about the Phase Out rule, and a judge was consulted. This man happened to be from the same club my opponent was from and subsequently he ruled against me. OK; I may not have liked that, but fair's fair, right? Interestingly though, one table down, my good friend The Voivod was playing his IG against Necrons and the very same issue came up, mere minutes later. His opponent too was of that one club and in this case, the judge ruled exactly the other way!

Now, this one club was everywhere on the tournament scene back then, and one tournament we always enjoyed was a relaxed, yearly doubles tournament, where we had participated quite a few times already. The Voivod and I entered with our Dark Angel and Blood Angel team-up. And lo and behold, we encountered yet another team from said club.

In this game, we were actually cheated several times, all by the same player. His team mate didn't say anything, but I could read his face and he did not like it either. One instance was where apparently my Chaplain was out of range to charge (6") one of his miniatures. Big bummer, as that would have been game winning, but fine.

But imagine my surpise when on the very next turn, his miniature suddenly was within the required 6" to charge mine! Little b*stard; I knew he had moved his mini, he knew I knew, and both our team mates knew as well, but we played on, as I didn't want to make a scene and I just wanted that game to be over as soon as possible. And he didn't even grasp the concept of his cheating being so obvious and even tried it again (although now we were on to him, we were very alert and stopped several other attempts). So I soldiered on, keeping a straight face and taking it with all the grace I could muster.

That did not turn out to be much though. As The Voivod remarked after the game that he noticed me being very agitated, even though I tried to hide it. Which was funny, because I wanted to tell him the exact same thing!

And that was the day that we decided to not play any tournaments anymore; we had had it with this win-at-all costs mentality, that takes so much away from the experience. I have always liked games to be a story, with the players and dice telling it. No matter who wins; it's about the epic things that happen during the battle; things that we may recall years after as being awesome moments.

I read about the whippy stick stretching earlier this year in WSS and was appalled but in no way surprised at this happening. I know the types; I don't like the types, and I simply loathe cheating.

It's a game; if you want to win, get better; analyse the game and learn from it, but don't cheat; ultimately, you're only cheating yourself, as you don't get better, but only believe you are...

[Kadzik]

I have to confess. Sometimes I cheat - usually I grab dice quickly after roll, lie about number of dice or measured distances. But I always do this oin favor of the opponent
For me wargaming is pure fun and every game is an opportunity for a great story. When I see, that my opponent forgot to move a unit, is very unlucky or I'm too lucky and a game could be finished in few minutes with my crushing victory etc. I just prefer to "forget" about some rules or be out of range.
Forgive me

[Daeothar]

Yes, well, now you mention it, I've recently been guilty of that too, but the opponent in question is my 5 year old daughter.

She's taken to playing Hero Quest, and I must admit to sometimes bending rules, dice rolls, card texts or other things in the game to make the experience more enjoyable for her. I could play as a stickler for the rules, but I also know that, should I strictly keep to the rules (as written), her enjoyment would wane quickly.

So even though I do not want to create another snowflake that can't stand losing, I will regularly make sure the game goes in her favour just a bit, so as to keep it fun. because if it's fun for her, it's fun for me. And if she's not having fun, she won't play anymore and then I won't have that fun anymore either...

It's different with the regular games of X-Wing I play with my nephew; he's fourteen, and quite capable of taking a loss. When we started playing, I repeatedly told him I would not be super-competitive, but I would also not hold any punches. If he beats me, he really beats me, on his own merit. And in the beginning, he lost many, many times (even though I did sometimes hold back, just a little).

But the last year or so, he's become quite good, to the point where he has regularly won. I'm no longer certain I will win our games, because he has some interesting (and often unexpected) tactics of his own now.

And that's how I think you teach kids to play games; at first, you go easy on them, to make sure they enjoy themselves. And when they're comfortable with playing games and get better at them, start playing fair (but not to the death). This way, kids first learn how to enjoy a game and then learn how to deal with occasionally losing as well. And if they're up for it, later on, you could go all the way and play for keeps. Oh; but make sure that even in the earliest stages, they do have to accept losing every now and then!

This way, the enjoyment of the game is ingrained before the want to win at all costs. And it has to remain fun, or they'll grow up to be rules lawyering, annoying, cheating opponents nobody wants to play against...

[Harry Faversham]

Strange innit, the importance of winning a game of toy sowjers to some folk!?
Many years ago we had a mate who was a 'proper' wargamer, he had some easy victories, agin the Dynamic Dunderheads. Everyone was happy, I umpired, the Dunderheads enjoyed (like me they alway do, win or lose) it, and my win at all costs mate's ego was satisfied. Till one day the Dice Gods smiled upon the Dynamic Dunderheads and my mate suffered his one and only shattering defeat. He accused them of cheating, me of biased umpiring and the game being a 'set up' to humiliate him... this sniveling was carried on all night in the boozer, several pints of Tetley's Best Bitter doing nowt to help the acrimony!
I still see the Dunderheads across stricken fields, my mate is still my mate... but from that day to this I've never let him in the Emporium again.