The Great Jam Raid

[Mad Lord Snapcase]

I feel sure that Lady Snapcase will recover once a large bottle of sloe-gin has been fetched from Lord Snapcase's back passage and a liberal quantity forced between the Lady’s reluctant lips.

Doug, I suspect you are right, you know me only too well!   


The Denouement

A great stroke of luck for the home team as Lord Snapcase gets to activate twice in Turn 5 before anyone else can move (leaders activate on the turn of their coloured ace). This turned out to be a game-changer.



Suppressing his grief for the moment, Lord Snapcase (who reloaded in the last turn) opens fire on the visible Sons i.e. Reg Prescott and Honeygander Gooseboote. Both barrels hit and because the shotgun is at close range and neither of them is in cover (Cleo is hogging the cover) it adds +1 to their save and they need a 6 each. Both roll a 4 and are shot down. "that'll teach 'em to shoot Milady and to meddle in my back passage" bellows the enraged Lord. Ironically, the two Sons drop in the shadow of Lord Snapcase's famous relative, Sir Francis. Lord S. then calmly proceeds to reload the Purdey.





Cleo activates next and has to take a dedication test owing to the number of casualties in her group. She rolls a 1 and decides to make a run for home. She runs for the wall where the Sons of Stan recently entered the Hall's back garden full of hopes of snaffled jam, chutney and sloe gin. “O, woe is me T' have seen what I have seen, see what I see!” thinks Cleo in one of her occasional literary moments, quoting the Bard. As she runs, she activates again and climbs the wall heading towards Loose Chippings with her proverbial tail in its proverbial position.





Peaches moves out into the open and takes a shot at Gizzard Puke. Sponge, Miss Spankhurst and Young Futtock are reloading their shotguns. Chulmleigh the bulldog charges, wishing to get his gnashers firmly attached to Gizzard's family jewels! However, one of Peaches' shots hits Gizzard before Chulmleigh can attack. Gizzard fails his save and goes down in a welter of lead. Undeterred, Chulmleigh arrives and takes a bite out of the downed Son.





Unfazed by the gunplay all around, the mean old skinflint, Albert Steptoe calmly collects the Snapcase weathervane (thanks, Dusty Shelf!) which has fallen from the roof after Old Scrotum's rather misplaced shot. "Nice bit of scrap iron that," thinks Albert and turns Hercules the carthorse for home in Oil Drum Lane.



Dr. Gitfinger has not activated yet, although when he does so he will be running for home in Cleo's footsteps. However, Old Scrotum has other plans for the jam bandit. Having now recovered his breath whilst taking time to reload, he takes careful aim at Dr. Gitfinger and fires. Gitfinger has no chance and collapses into a heap on the cobbles.



...and there our story has to end. Only one Sons of Stan makes it out of Snapcase Hall of her own volition, a lesson to all jam bandits and chutney pilferers. Some views of the final carnage.





But what of Lady Snapcase I hear you ask? Lord Snapcase and Old Scrotum both rush over to the bee hive, fearing the worst. As Snapcase leans over her and starts to mumble "My darling wife, life cut short, how will I live etc." she comes to with a start and utters the immortal words "Stuff and nonsense, you old tosspot. It's just a flesh wound. Scrotum, fetch me a bottle of the sloe gin. I need my sinews stiffened before I can raise from this inconvenient position!" Later, when summoned Dr. Bouquet (pronounced Bucket) the Much-Piddling physician removes twelve pellets from Milady's posterior. Luckily, she has anesthetised herself with the powerful homemade sloe gin and feels no pain (for the present).



Although I infused the whole game with silliness as is my wont, it was a proper game of Osprey's Black Ops. I was particularly keen to try out the stealth rules as opposed to an ordinary shoot out and the rules worked very well. I had thought the intruders would get into Snapcase Hall but Lady Snapcase proved a very alert sentry. Definitely a set of rules I will use again.

The End.

[Ultravanillasmurf]

Sounds like a fun game, and it was an entertaining AAR.

Thanks for sharing.

[Doug ex-em4]

Well I did enjoy that. It felt as though I was there (I wasn't, was I, Snapcase? One forgets we’re one is or where ones been these days).

Anyway, it’s great to participate, however vicariously, in the enjoyment of a well thought out, lovely looking game. Thanks for sharing, Martin and thanks for confirming the efficacy of the timely application of sloe-gin, fresh from m’lud’s back passage.

Doug

[mothman]

Great game and food for thought.It is nice to see someone else thinks along the same nonsensical way as myself.Keep up the good work!

[mikedemana]

Hilarious battle report! Truly a standard we should all strive to attain!! I owned Black Ops, but sold it away in a flea market because it didn't really look playable. Great job with the rules...

Mike Demana

[Paul @ Empress Miniatures]

Great report well done 

[Mad Lord Snapcase]

It felt as though I was there (I wasn't, was I, Snapcase? One forgets we’re one is or where ones been these days).

I don't think you were there Doug, but then who knows? I can't remember yesterday!

Paul, Mike and mothman, many thanks for your kind comments.   

[marianas_gamer]

Another triumph Mad Lord, marred only by the absence of your egregious associates Vagabond and Doug! I have to wonder if my old eyes are correct and that is a distinctly naughty portrait in the ragman's cart. If so it appears that he has been trespassing in the famous "Private Gallery" at Much Piddling. The statues are a triumph and I am almost certain technically historically accurate. Finally, I need to know your decorator so that I can acquire a fainting couch like the one in the Much Piddling drawing room. Long live the mighty manor! (I have heard rumors that you are interested in acquiring portions of a most disreputable section of London that is still under construction to go with some of your other err.... investments)
Lon 

[SABOT]

Terrific .... love it. 👍😬

[Mad Lord Snapcase]

I have to wonder if my old eyes are correct and that is a distinctly naughty portrait in the ragman's cart.

Well spotted! That of course is the famous portrait of The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies by van Klomp. Made famous in 'Allo 'Allo, the UK TV series.

Finally, I need to know your decorator so that I can acquire a fainting couch like the one in the Much Piddling drawing room.

The rather spiffing chaise longue is made by Eureka.

(I have heard rumors that you are interested in acquiring portions of a most disreputable section of London that is still under construction to go with some of your other err.... investments)

Ah, if only. I think I will be pushing up the daisies long before SI gets bored with that lovely work!

[Mad Lord Snapcase]

Terrific .... love it. 👍😬

Thanks, SABOT.   

[Doug ex-em4]

Another triumph Mad Lord, marred only by the absence of your egregious associates Vagabond and Doug!

I don’t think I’ve been called "egregious" before . Should I be consulting my lawyers?

Doug

[Mad Lord Snapcase]

Should I be consulting my lawyers?

Your lawyers of course being that very old and respected set of Wiltshire chambers, Stump, Thump, Stumble and Bumble?

[Doug ex-em4]

Your lawyers of course being that very old and respected set of Wiltshire chambers, Stump, Thump, Stumble and Bumble?

Whilst that estimable firm is indispensable for cowing local peasants and yeoman, when there’s a chance of a substantial payout, I always use the services of my London solicitors, Sue, Grabbit and Run.....

Doug

[syrinx0]

What an entertaining romp.  Stealing one's chutney and sloe-gin is quite uncivilized.  Thankfully the louts had their hats handed to them!