First question. My table has a top I made from this great heavy paper that has not really flock, but a fuzzy texture embedded in it. I got it at a model railroad place, and I can't seem to find it anymore. It has survived spills, stains and 10 years of abuse. I have since I created a another top for it using the reverse side of a vinyl tablecloth painted green. So, I decided to take the old top and make it useful.
I made a stencil for my 6" hexes. I had about 8 hexes on the stencil. I then proceeded to draw in the corners with a felt tip. The result was very subtle.
Second. Casualties. For this game, I used a small die behind the stand to keep track of hits. Long term, I would use a casualty base with numbers on the base to keep track of hits. Even better, if this is the route I take, I'll actually have 3-4 stands per unit and remove stands ala C&C. The hexes are big enough for my 60mm stands.