LANCELOT CRAY, CEO OF UNITED RADIONICS MESSAGE RE 7TV 2nd EDITION
Attention loyal consumers! We here at United Radionics would like to take a few minutes of your time to tell you more details about our new product the
7TV 2nd edition boxed game developed with our subsidiary Crooked Dice, and now available to pre-order. This is truly an item for the new age we are living in, and will rank alongside the Uranium Stove and the Brain Aerial as one of United Radionics’ greatest joint ventures.
Despite what some news reports might say, this game is harmless and safe around children and animals. Neither indeed was it, or any of its many, many component parts, tested on anyone who wasn’t willing. We have their signatures. I would like to discuss in detail each component of the game, and how having it in your life will make you even more loyal to the United Radionics you trust.
The 48 page
Director’s Guide tells you all about the world of 7TV, or at least the parts our publicity people think you should be told. Most of this book is taken up with the rules of the game. These rules require only your free will and several six-sided dice. And we supply the dice. You’ll find rules for moving, fighting, shooting, using special effects, gadgets, vehicles and more. Are the rules good? Well, we have a long list of employees who would be glad to tell you it is superb. If they recover.
The 32 page
Producer’s Guide gives you an overview of each type of model in the game, heroic and villainous. From this book you can create casts of benevolent industrial enterprises such as ours, or the interfering organisations of law and order – or aliens, cultists, or military groups. You name it. The book also contains six ready to play episodes, each one based on our ‘go-getting’ approach to product development. Rounding the book off we have a handy reference guide to the models and their genres, so you can make up casts en route to your next disciplinary meeting or hospital photo opportunity.
There are 74
heroic profile cards and 74
villainous profile cards in the boxed game. To save the busy executive time, you no longer need to look up each model’s statistics in some dusty ledger or sales report. Now the information is to hand. Possibly a bionic hand, but perhaps we will make that announcement closer to Christmas. Each card has the full details for each model, on paper from trees we or one of our subsidiaries felled somewhere in the world.
Also included are 45
countdown cards and 20
gadget cards. The countdown cards serve as a visual reminder of how long your current episode will last before you can get a late afternoon round of golf in, as well as providing the random events almost certainly required to spice up your employee’s – sorry, castmember’s – lives. We scoured our failed prototype labs to bring you details on each one of the gadget cards, with which you can equip your models during play. More bang (and death benefits) for your buck. As they say.
Nothing could be clearer than the 20 glass
plot point tokens we have included. These were not intended to be red, it was just a by-product of a small accident we had when we were making them. Plot points power the whole game system, so make your models work for each one you give them.
A company as global as ours knows a few things about the kinds of unfortunate statuses which can ail a worker. Last year we are proud to say we had 12 accident free days. If your cast is suffering from being weakened, stunned, dominated or are sadly on fire, you can use these 22 acrylic
status tokens to mark them as such before docking their pay. There are also 5 objective tokens, which as any executive will tell you, are what it’s all about.
We have combined several elements together into the 5" circular acrylic
blast template. It can measure both 3" and 5" blasts (useful when accidents happen), as well as the effect of a flamethrower burst. It also has a handy logarithmic table, useful for calculating sickness pay deductions.
The
macguffin is a super-objective, represented in the box by a miniature version of our best-selling “Hypnos” television set cast in a fashionable heavy metal, which is possibly non-toxic if swallowed or handled.
So that is the contents of the
2nd edition 7TV boxed game. Time is money, so we naturally also sell the boxed game components separately.
Obviously you get a box as well, just don’t get it wet. The organo-aquatic polymer does tend to have a mind of its own.
You can purchase the boxed set or any of the components by visiting
http://www.crooked-dice.co.uk/wp/7tv-2e-dicestarter/
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August 20, 2010, 04:33:40 PM