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Author Topic: The Lair of the Forty Thieves. Part II; The Gates of Steel.  (Read 1741 times)

Offline Silbuster

  • Scientist
  • Posts: 210
The Lair of the Forty Thieves. Part II; The Gates of Steel.
« on: December 20, 2015, 07:10:05 PM »
The Lair of the Forty Thieves

Part II: The Gates of Steel

“Anyone fancy a cuppa?”
“Don’t mind if I do, Little Miss Blue.”
There was a chorus of happy bird song as the thieves reacquainted themselves with Miss Rosie Lee. Safe and secure behind the Gates of Steel, they could pack all their cares and woe and concentrate on singing low.

“They’ve got a flamethrower, Annie!”
“Gordon Bennett!”
“Is he here too?”
Annie inspected Miss Blue Pants. Nope, she was being entirely serious.
“Give me strength!”, she muttered.
“Have a nice cup of cha, Annie.”, ventured the brain of London.
“First we shoot the soldier girls, then we drink to celebrate.”
“Alright Annie, I’m easy.”
“So I’m led to believe.”
I’d just got the pot warm as well.”, moaned MIss Orange, reloading her derringer.

Annie considered her options. Shooting Miss Blue Pants immediately was tempting but probably not a priority. As to the opposition…well, she’d been suckered last time. This time she needed to cover all possibilities.

“Right Blondie, take Little Miss Blue with you, hide in the cottage in the centre and shoot anybody who tries to get past. Me and Miss Blue Pants will cover the front approach from here. The rest of you, circle round the right and drive them towards us.”

“It’s you and me then, Annie?”
“That’s right, Miss Blue Pants. Now, you stand right here in the middle of the window.”
“What, here Annie?”
“That’s it. You can see all round there.”
“Cor, you’re right. ‘Course, they can all see me, but I’ll shoot first, right?”
Just then, a Hussar crossed the gap between the cottages opposite. Quick as a flash, Miss Blue Pants crossed her palm with lead and she fell.
After a short pause, Annie breathed out. “Amazing.”
“All to plan, eh Annie?”

“Here we go, here we go, here we go!”, chanted the intellectual might of the East End. The Queen’s Own, currently all hurrying to their left, looked a bit nervous. They had a bit of a sense of deja vu. Right on cue, a mystic murk spread over the advancing gaggle as “She who foams at the mouth a lot” gargled incomprehensibly. Ahead of the black coated warriors lay some suspicious looking shrubbery. Suddenly, it looked suspiciously full of pin waving killers. A cheeky, chirpy robin charmingly alerted all and sundry to the danger with his cheerful song just before he disintegrated in a cloud of feathers.
“I hate those baskets.”, growled Miss Orange, spitting pips.
“You naughty girl!”, snapped a shocked Daphne, hitting her over the head with the cross of her rifle.

Captain Catastrophe took one look at the unnatural clothing colours and decided to withdraw to unprepared positions. With a screech of rage, a flock of gaudy vultures fell on the rearguard. Namely Privates Daphne and Hyacinth.

“It is alright, Hyacinth. I know the Captain will not abandon us…Captain? …Captain!”
“Just hold the fort there, Daphne.”

The Captain bravely led troopers, machine gun and flamethrower in a swing to the right. Directly away from the forty thieves.

“Don’t worry gels”, said Gert Scully, “They won’t get away from us.” Whereupon she launched a Brick Lane Bottle after the fleeing….err…. redeploying soldiers. The grenade hit a drain pipe, bounced off a tree and landed in a puddle.


The other girls laid off trying to kill everybody for a moment to give her a very dirty look. Gerty blushed and make a big job of preparing her next grenade.

“The Captain may have fled, but I know I can rely on you not to abandon me, Hyacinth. The bonds of shared comradeship are too close … Hyacinth?….Hyacinth!”
Hold the fort, Daphne!

Leaving the machine gun to cover her new advance around the right flank, Captain Catastrophe lead the flamethrower and troopers into the last wood before the Gates of Steel. Blondie looked calmly out of one of the windows of the central cottage and calmly shot one of the flamethrower crew. Gert Scully took careful aim with her remaining grenade and lobbed it. The petrol petered out before hitting the machine gun but did manage to set Hyacinth’s petticoats ablaze. Gert nervously felt her collar as the other thieves gave her a choice selection of disgusted looks. Daphne took advantage of Miss Tentpole’s, Miss Creant’s and Crazy Mary’s inattention and legged it. Reaching the gap between two cottages, she caught sight of Captain Catastrophe and opened her mouth to shout a warning before Crazy Mary and Miss Tentpole tripped her up and sat down on her very heavily indeed. Miss Creant gave Gerty a withering glance of contempt before charging the machine gun in broad daylight. Against all expectations, she clobbered one of the gunners without a shot being fired. The remaining gunner gathered up her machine gun and fled.

Hyacinth finally managed to beat the flames out. My, my, her lingerie was ruined. This had been a rotten day. Frankly, she was fed up with the whole affair. Mummy had always told her she was not cut out to be a soldier. Looking up, she found herself eyeball to eyeball with Gert Scully. She fell over and played dead. Really, you could stuff this for a game of soldiers.

Seeing that the game could be up if they did not stop that flamethrower opening up, Diamond Annie and Miss Blue Pants surged out of their hidey-hole, calling for reinforcements as they ran.

Blondie fell, her legs a tangled mess, as Private Penelope cunningly sliced through the stays on her corset as she ran out the door in response to Annie’s call. Just in time, Little Miss Blue ran out behind her and crossed swords with Penelope. Her pin fell out of her hand but she whipped off her stiletto heels and whacked Penelope over the head before her shout of triumph had even died away.

Diamond Annie and Miss Blue Pants charged into the flamethrower crew while the rest of the forty elephants held off the soldier girls. The battle now degenerated into one huge punch up in the wood. A brave sparrow opened his beak to speak of the great things being done but caught sight of Annie giving him the eye and flew off to find a less critical audience. Miss Tentpole was poleaxed but bought the time for Diamond and Blue to smack the flamethrower crew into insensitivity. Their burning day was over.

“Retreat!”, cried the Captain. Again.

Offline Craig

  • Scatterbrained Genius
  • Posts: 2015
  • Youth & Talent are no match for Age and Treachery.
    • The Ministry of Gentlemanly Warfare
Re: The Lair of the Forty Thieves. Part II; The Gates of Steel.
« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2015, 08:59:48 AM »
One expsects that Her Majesty shall not be amused by the performance of her own hussars. What a Carry On!  lol
My sincerest contrafibularities
General Lord Craig Arthur Wellesey Cartmell (ret'd)

Offline Silbuster

  • Scientist
  • Posts: 210
Re: The Lair of the Forty Thieves. Part II; The Gates of Steel.
« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2015, 12:08:48 AM »
One expsects that Her Majesty shall not be amused by the performance of her own hussars. What a Carry On!  lol
Indeed, on hearing the news, the queen (Gawd bless her) is reported to have said "We are amused", closely followed by "and is dear Daphne quite recovered?"

Offline Mad Lord Snapcase

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    • The Life and Times of Mad Lord Snapcase
Re: The Lair of the Forty Thieves. Part II; The Gates of Steel.
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2016, 07:01:37 AM »
Great stuff!

"A man can never have too much red wine, too many books or too much ammunition."

Offline shadowking1957

  • Mastermind
  • Posts: 1474
    • Shadowkings
Re: The Lair of the Forty Thieves. Part II; The Gates of Steel.
« Reply #4 on: January 05, 2016, 10:38:46 AM »


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