BREAKING NEWS!
BLACKSHORTS TRIUMPANT!
Spodemania its height as the Blackshorts sweep all before them!
Traitorous red rebels cleared from the A438!
Road between Hay-on-Wye and Hereford open!
TRAGEDY STRIKES!
Eustace Spode missing!
Last seen being cut down by evil rebel fire!
Brave Blackshorts rally (delegating command to whoever has the best knees)!