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Miniatures Adventure => Weird Wars => Topic started by: Hammers on March 09, 2007, 02:34:30 PM

Title: Russian Weird War
Post by: Hammers on March 09, 2007, 02:34:30 PM: Russian Pig Grenade

(http://static.flickr.com/27/96532951_1039f9dd33_o.jpg)
Title: Russian Weird War
Post by: PeteMurray on March 09, 2007, 02:54:19 PM: Picture 1

Vanya: Is too bad, pig, you must die.
Dmitri: Yes. Have drink. Brave pig deserve one last drink.

Picture 2

Dmitri: Do you not remember playink as boys in village? How one day we would become great heroes and save the Motherland? Is no more those days, brave pig.

Picture 3

Label: TRIUMPHANT VODKA OF THE PROLETARIAT! FOR STALIN!

Picture 4

Vanya: Good night, pig. Have good sleep.
Pig: Grink? *hic*
Dmitri: Come Vanya, do not cry. Is no point to cry for brave pig.

Picture 5

Artillery officer: Too much talking! Load the Goering Gun, you bastards!

Picture 6

Dmitri: *whisper* The birch trees, pig! Remember the birch trees!
Pig: Grink?

Picture 7

Vanya: Gun is loaded, comrade captain!
Artillery officer: About time, bastard slackers!

(Prokofiev adagio in E minor begins.)

Picture 8

(Music swells)

Artillery officer: Prepare the mortar!

Picture 9

(Fermata, open 4th)

Artillery officer: Set range!

Picture 10

Artillery officer (offscreen): FIRE!

(heart-wrenching minor 3rd)

Picture 11

CRUMP

Pictures 12-15

Shots cut between observers. Adagio movement begins to close, until at last only the quartet remains playing.

Picture 16

Pig: Grink? *hic*

Picture 17

Vanya: Brave friend pig! For certain the Medal for Heroic Livestock!
Dmitri: Ha ha! Maybe Order of Lenin!
Vanya: Ha ha! Or maybe Siberia, for not bravely sacrificing for Motherland!
Dmitri: One cannot say. But friend pig lives. For a while, I am happy.

Picture 18

Commissar (on left): Stalin will be disappointed.
Scientist (in glasses): It is to Siberia, then.
Assistant: But I am innocent of crime!
Commissar: That is immaterial.

Fade to black.
Title: Russian Weird War
Post by: Hammers on March 09, 2007, 03:15:29 PM: Quote from: "PeteMurray"

After that excellent narrative I've got to scratch build me one of these.

How about this for a name:

1:st советский Полк Артиллерии Свиньи Народов (Сухуми)

1:st Soviet Peoples Pig Artillery Regiment (Sokhumi)
Title: Russian Weird War
Post by: Westfalia Chris on March 09, 2007, 03:17:34 PM: Even if accounting for all the madly efficient Teutons, the world couldn´t survive if it wasn´t for American tongue-in-cheek games designers and heroic Soviet Porcine Kosmonaut Aviators! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Wonderful.
Title: Russian Weird War
Post by: Hammers on March 09, 2007, 03:21:45 PM: ... or comission Tom Maier to make one. He seems to have a knack for it.

(Schoolgirl with hamster gun.)

(http://thunderboltmountain.com/serendipity/uploads/HamHammer.JPG)
Title: Russian Weird War
Post by: revford on March 09, 2007, 03:46:07 PM: Comrade Cannon Pig is about the weirdest of weird war things I've seen. It's even topped the anti-tank dog.

Was there a good reason behind firing a pig out of a cannon?

Early space exploration?

Rapid bacon delivery and cooking system?

Or just because they could?
Title: Russian Weird War
Post by: Hammers on March 09, 2007, 04:07:08 PM: It is for Glory of Agricultural Advances of Soviets of Peoples Republic and make benefit international struggle of working classes!

Searioulsy: I could tell you but that would sorta ruin it. :-)
Title: Russian Weird War
Post by: PeteMurray on March 09, 2007, 04:15:44 PM: Quote from: "hammershield"
Searioulsy: I could tell you but that would sorta ruin it. :-)

I'll denounce you as a counterrevolutionary if you tell us what it's really for.
Title: Russian Weird War
Post by: revford on March 09, 2007, 04:57:45 PM: It's all becoming a scenario for Amazing War Stories in my head now.

One of our gaming group has a nice range of WWII Russians already, I just need to find a pig and build the, well, pig launcher.

Front runners for the pig so far..

http://www.game-mart.co.uk/pd_pigs.cfm
http://www.barrule.com/Workshop/products%20-%20Mirliton%20Scenics.html
Title: Russian Weird War
Post by: W.B.Kurgan on March 09, 2007, 04:57:56 PM: Thanks Pete! (and hammershield!) :lol: :lol: :lol:

That made me laugh tea out of my nose... :oops:
Title: Russian Weird War
Post by: Hammers on March 09, 2007, 09:37:38 PM: Quote from: "PeteMurray"
I'll denounce you as a counterrevolutionary if you tell us what it's really for.

I'll risk it. My sources within the Kremlin has told me that it is a reformed capitalist pig who is to be launched back via steep trajectory into decadent Western society and wreck havoc among facist swines by handing out pamphlets containing superior Marxis-Leninist arguments.

That's cunning, that is.
Title: Russian Weird War
Post by: Rhoderic on March 09, 2007, 09:46:37 PM: Picture 1 is SO going to be my TMP portrait from now on!
Title: Russian Weird War
Post by: zbyshko on March 09, 2007, 09:55:56 PM: oh, please Comrades! what is it really for? i would like to know so that i may share the glories of the Motherland with other Patriots and encourage the other farm animals to do their part to aid the People!
Title: Russian Weird War
Post by: Operator5 on March 09, 2007, 10:04:54 PM: All animals are created equal. Some are just more equal than others.
Title: Re: Russian Weird War
Post by: ushistoryprof on February 21, 2014, 06:46:11 PM: While going through old posts I came across the almost deadly Russian Pig grenade...a good laugh like this one needs to be seen by a new generation of readers...all hail the brave pig artillery of the Motherland. lol
Title: Re: Russian Weird War
Post by: Hammers on February 21, 2014, 07:03:08 PM: It's good, innit? :)
Title: Re: Russian Weird War
Post by: EndTransmission on February 21, 2014, 07:22:05 PM: I'd not seen that before, so thank you! :D