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Author Topic: ‘The Case of ‘Swiss’ Tony’s Thumb and the Lady Mayoress’ (The End, posted - 4th)  (Read 3101 times)

Offline Vagabond

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D.C. Babs Windsor's young life was cut short by a brutal  hooligan, well known for killing innocent and defenceless (ignoring the truncheon and pepper spray) young women.

We must hope that D.C.I. Hawley leading the Gasforth Coppers and using the famed Trident attack system as taught at Hendon Police College is able to avenge her death.

You may wonder why the Trident attack has been modified in the Gasforth Police raid on Snapcase Hall into the Pentadent attack system, all will be revealed as the raid progresses.

Offline Doug ex-em4

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From what is generally known about “Toothless” Hawley (as he is widely called), surely the Steradent attack system would be more appropriate?

Doug
Although, on reflection, you may be right:
https://m.facebook.com/pentadentclinic/

Offline syrinx0

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Poor Babs.  I had a feeling this would not turn out well for her.
2020: A:28 P:161; 2019:-471 2018: -47; 2017: -100; 2016:+1;


Offline Mad Lord Snapcase

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Poor Babs.  I had a feeling this would not turn out well for her.

Indeed, syrinx0, we can only hope she has gone to a better place.

TURN 6

Enraged by DC Babs Windsor being gunned down in front of them, PCs George Gently and Bob Lewis charge at the perpetrator, 'Swiss' Tony.



Calmly puffing on his cigar, 'Swiss' shoots Gently at close range, another copper down and 'Swiss' is feeling rather pleased with himself, having gunned down two rozzers in cold-blood before he's even had his breakfast. PC Bob Lewis can do nothing in the narrow corridor.



Meanwhile, in the Billiard Room next door, DI Grim makes his move. Resisting the urge to take his shirt off and do a 'Bruce Willis' (he had tried it back at the nick, but remained unconvinced whether it was his best look or not) he gingerly feels the knob of the door in front of him.



Flinging the door open wide, Grim is confronted by the lovely vision that is Mimsie Slopcorner, Tony's gal!



Mimsie raises her pistol as does Grim. Shots are exchanged and in the sudden fury of it, it takes a second or two before Grim's team realise what has happened. Mimsie is on the floor and not moving, Grim has taken a flesh wound to the upper arm. Realising that he has so far come through relatively unscathed, Derek Grim begins to plan out how he will be relating this epic event back in the CID room at Gasforth nick.



In the main hallway, Luther and Otis exchange shots. Otis, somewhat distracted by the big crack he's just noticed in the oak panelling, misses Luther completely. Luther scores a hit on Otis but Otis is still up and fighting.



Out in the back garden, Jason King at last prevails and manages to biff Bough on the bonce with his crowbar. Doug Piranha and Elsie Tanner move towards the debonair agent whilst the other four make for the back door.



This gives King just enough time to get on his walkie-talkie and warn DCI Hawley that villainous reinforcements are coming up the back passage.



Fowler and Goody burst into the study expecting trouble but the study is empty.



'Fancy' Smith, Pat Dawkins and George Dixon enter the Dining Room from the corridor in time to see DCI Hawley assault an empty bathroom!





To be continued...
« Last Edit: August 04, 2020, 08:38:09 AM by Mad Lord Snapcase »


Offline Mad Lord Snapcase

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TURN 7

All hell breaks loose in the hallway! You have to imagine all of this is happening at the same time. It took me some time to work through it.

PC Bob Lewis who is nearest to ‘Swiss’ charges forward with a cry of “You’re nicked, my son!”. Unfortunately, ‘Swiss’, who has just shot Gently and before that DC Windsor calmly takes aim and Lewis is down (does this mean he won’t be Morse’s assistant in the future?). ‘Swiss’ Tony backs away from the corridor, still facing the bodies.



Unheard by Tony, Inspector Raymond Fowler appears from a door behind Tony (the Study) and is about to strike with his truncheon as Grim appears from the Billiard Room.



‘Swiss’ Tony is now alone in the main hallway (I’ll come to Otis later) surrounded by coppers. In fact, 11 live ones to be precise and three dead coppers. “You won’t take me alive, coppers!” shouts Tony. Grim shouts to Fowler, “It is my arse on the line and I will not have you sticking your nose in and sniffing about!”.



Surrounded by the long arm of the law, Tony is defiant to the last, “stitch this, you fucking woodentops!” he ejaculates as the thin blue line draws ever tighter around him.

Grims shoots and Fowler strikes and ‘Swiss’ Tony, a legend in his own lunchtime, falls to the floor gasping, "made it, Ma! Top of the world!"



Well, everything may seem a bit of an anti-climax after that drama but there are no fat ladies in sight at the moment, singing or otherwise, so the game continues.



Whilst Fowler chose to go through the door into the hallway and take part in the demise of ‘Swiss’ Tony, PC Kevin Goody has stumbled onto the whole point of the game, Dame Christabelle Wickham QC, the Lady Mayoress of Gasforth.

Whilst Goody dithers about, trying to extract his truncheon from a pocket full of Spangles and Crunchie wrappers, Major Cadwallader takes a shot at Goody. The Lady Mayoress manages to knock his arm just as he shoots and the bullet takes the top off of Goody’s helmet. Should one be looking for it, a faint odour of urine now arises from Goody's uniform trouser area.



Otis Spunkmeyer gets a shot in at PC Luther but misses, Luther, Smith and Dixon charge in and batter poor Otis to the floor.



...meanwhile, out in the back garden, we return to the never-ending ruck with Jason King. Elsie Tanner, armed with her ammonia spray and Doug Piranha, armed with a pickaxe handle advance on King. “Ave some of this, ponce” grunts Doug.



The doyen of Department S gets off one shot and Elsie is hit. “Bastard” she cries as she drops and Doug goes in, swinging his pickaxe handle. King’s crowbar is no defence against Doug Piranha in a rage and King breathes his last. In memory of his brother Dinsdale, Doug nails Jason’s head to the floor!



Dawkins opens the door to the Ballroom. Gladstone tries to block the back door but its already locked. Hawley and Tennison head to the main hall area.



Bertie 'Knuckles' Strangelove, Bifferidge 'Biffa' Bacon, Verne Cocklecarrot and Terry Shortcake having penetrated the back passage, now enter the Hall via the Conservatory.



To be continued...

Offline Mad Lord Snapcase

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TURN 8 - The Denouement!

The four reprobates who entered the Conservatory in turn 7, now make their way into the Ballroom. Sergeant Pat Dawkins was peering in the door on the last turn. Seeing these plug-uglies arrive in the Ballroom, she turns and runs for the safety of the Dining Room.



Unfortunately for the lovely Patricia, Terry Shortcake catches a glimpse of her running and gets a shot off. Just as Pat makes it to the doorway and possible safety, Terry's hastily fired shot hits her in the back and she's down, right in front of the astonished gaze of DCI Hawley who has reentered the Dining Room.





Who will make funny faces behind Christabelle Wickham's back now?



Having disposed of Jason King, Doug Piranha moves towards the back door to assist his colleagues in the battle against the filth!



Luther, Smith and Dixon take up firing positions in the expectation of a running gun battle with the four thugs in the Ball Room.



Here I add the exact words from Doug ex-em4's e-mailed instructions for this turn. The major gets hold of the Mayoress from behind (steady....!), holds the gun to her head and shouts, "any coppers come in here, she gets it. I ain’t joking. And you, tosspot [i.e. PC Goody] fuck off out of it, NOW..." The Major was commissioned from the ranks, hence his language and attitude to ladies.

Meanwhile, in the Library, it’s all happening. The Major has uttered his threats to kill Dame Christabelle and blow me, Plod has just bloody ignored him and come in mob-handed! Fowler leads the charge with Maggie Habib and Gene Hunt behind him. Kevin Goody moves into the attack and Derek Grim appears in another doorway.

“Give up Cadwallader, you’re nicked!” shouts Fowler.



“Bollocks, coppers, I meant what I said!” and so saying, the ex-Major shoots poor old Christabelle in the head. (shades of Mimsie Hawley and Peaches Snapcase here! Déjà vu).



The Mayoress is down and enraged all the coppers advance.



There are tears streaming down Fowler’s face as he bludgeons Crispin Cadwallader with his truncheon. Raymond carries on clobbering the Major long after the Major has shuffled off this mortal coil. Raymond has to pulled off by Maggie Habib.



Fowler is yet to learn of the demise of his partner, Pat Dawkins and he has seen his secret crush since junior school shot in front of him, quelle horreur! Quelle tragedie! As the dust settles in the Snapcase Hall Library, Raymond Fowler's mind drifts back to happier times. A memory of that time he fainted in his office and Christabelle was there to revive him. Patricia was none too happy though. That night when they got home, in a fit of pique she dashed Raymond's half-built Airfix 1/72 Lancaster Bomber to the kitchen floor. Happier times!



At this point the remaining five scrotes decide that discretion is the better part of valour and remove themselves from the Hall heading for 'Swiss' Tony's Jaguar and freedom. As Maggie Habib tries to comfort Fowler, Derek Grim starts to daydream. Will this caper be enough for him to join the Gasforth Masons? He's been assiduously practising the Mason's initiation rites in the CID room with the assistance of Gary Boyle.



Our tragedy in several diverse parts now has to end, as unhappily as it began. I would like to thank Doug ex-em4 and Vagabond for all the laughs and playing the game like the Gentlemen of Much-Piddling that they are! Well played, chaps.

The End.

Offline Doug ex-em4

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Phew.....! I’m exhausted just reading all that again.

Although a certain amount of opprobrium has been cast my way because of the major's brisk treatment of the mayoress, let us remember the appalling behaviour of the bizzies, gunning down in cold blood the fragrant Mimsie and battering the life out of good-hearted Elsie....At the very least, we look forward to a future investigation by UCOS or AC12 when those organisations have been created.

Meanwhile, don’t expect Law and Order to hang on to Swiss Tony for long. All over The Smoke, balaclavas are being washed and ironed, pick-axe handles are being lovingly soaked in linseed oil and Jags, Capris and Transits are being tweaked and tuned before Hell is unleashed on the Plod and Tony is restored to the arms of his loving families.

Snapcase, you devised and ran a brilliant game which also looked sumptuous - well done, M'lud.....Vagabond, well played. Despite your mistakes, errors and foolishness, you managed to use your everwhelmibg numerical superiority to scrape a win of sorts :D

Bitter? Moi? The very idea..... lol

Doug

Offline mikedemana

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What a hilarious and engaging read! I can only imagine how much fun it was to be one of the players. Fantastic job, Snapcase -- they don't write game reports any better than that!

Mike Demana

Offline syrinx0

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A very enjoyable tale of extreme pulpy action. 

Offline Mad Lord Snapcase

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Quote
Meanwhile, don’t expect Law and Order to hang on to Swiss Tony for long. All over The Smoke, balaclavas are being washed and ironed, pick-axe handles are being lovingly soaked in linseed oil and Jags, Capris and Transits are being tweaked and tuned before Hell is unleashed on the Plod and Tony is restored to the arms of his loving families.

If a sequel arrives, it will be the scenario from Geezers, where the villains attempt to free their boss whilst he is prison-bound in a police convoy. Lots of jam jars doing unecessary wheel-spins!

Doug, mikedemana and syrinx0, many thanks for your very kind comments.

Last word from 'Swiss' Tony, "'ave some of that, my son!"

Offline Vagabond

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Last word from 'Swiss' Tony, "'ave some of that, my son!"


I think you'll find that is what he said just before Plod decided to take the law into the Laws hand and save the tax payers a shed load of money by kicking his head in..

A great game scenario, let down a little by the bad guy's poor showing and eventually running away.

Maybe next time?

Welll done Snapcase old chap, look forward to the next game..

Offline Blackwolf

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Flipping heck! Makes Get Carter (the original one) look like a springtime picnic,V. bloodthirsty!
May I direct you to the Rivers of London novels by Ben Aarronovitch,I think you may get a kick out of them,and some whimsical ideas :)
May the Wolf  Walk With You
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Offline Mad Lord Snapcase

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Well done Snapcase old chap, look forward to the next game.

Thank you, my fellow Gentleman!

Quote
May I direct you to the Rivers of London novels by Ben Aarronovitch,I think you may get a kick out of them,and some whimsical ideas

Thanks, Blackwolf. I have to say, I am already a fan and avid reader of Ben Aaronovitch, I have 'The October Man' on my Kindle to read next. I agree with you, great reading.

Might I recommend in return, the Jackson Lamb - Slough House series by Mick Herron?
« Last Edit: August 09, 2020, 02:37:50 PM by Mad Lord Snapcase »

Offline Blackwolf

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 Wonderful  thank you :) I’ll give him a try.
PS You’re a man of excellent taste :)
« Last Edit: August 10, 2020, 06:43:19 AM by Blackwolf »

Offline Mad Lord Snapcase

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Wonderful  thank you :) I’ll give him a try.
PS You’re a man of excellent taste :)

You flatter me, sir! My thanks.

Quote
Last word from 'Swiss' Tony, "'ave some of that, my son!"

Last word from DCI Frank Hawley "you're f*****g nicked, you scrote!"

 

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