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Author Topic: En Guarde you Villain’s  (Read 2927 times)

Offline Vagabond

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En Guarde you Villain’s
« on: March 23, 2023, 05:55:57 PM »
I'm not quite sure if this is the right board but it's certainly not a Big Battalion, just a small skirmish.


It was a fine Spring day in one of the Piddling villages, the sun was high in the sky and the pheasants were making the sort of soft clucking sound as they thought of the mating season to come, followed by the long lazy days of summer, then of course there was the 12th of August but the pheasants didn’t allow the future to impinge on the present too much.


Unlike Squire Samuel Benbow Snapcase, a lesser known scion of the famous Snapcase family, The Lords Snapcase were held in some high regard among the Piddling’s; Lesser Piddling, Greater Piddling and Much Piddling in the Marsh.
Squire Samuel was waiting impatiently for the Revenue Men. Yes - I know you might be thinking that they were the last people he would want to see, what with the honey distillery he was running in one of the Outhouses close to the Big House, but of course you’d be wrong.


He had a long standing, understanding, is I think the correct term and the understanding was with Captain ‘Old’ Bill Avery of His Majesties Revenue Service. Cptn Avery liked to confiscate contraband in the name of the King, as much and as often as he could. His only issue with this situation was that he didn’t believe the King needed to receive all of the confiscated goods. There was some leeway for an enterprising man to spread the bounty around to local deserving causes before the balance of the contraband was secured in His Majesties Government’s bonded warehouses.


Squire Samuel and Cptn Avery both regarded themselves as deserving local causes and so to that end a motley crew of Revenue men were protecting a small shipment of high value contraband as they trudged slowly along the green lane to the Squires house.


Captain Avery liked to lead his men from the front and he was ably assisted by Mad John Leadstone, they chatted amicably as they made their along the track, their pace was slowed by the pack ponies but even more so by the two men in front of the ponies. Scudder and Fishbait had served in the Royal Navy for many years but had both been severely wounded and each lost a leg in the service of their country. They wryly joked that between them they had the best pair of legs in the Piddlings and they could spread them further than anyone else.

Well - except of course for the Widow Hackett but she had extenuating circumstances that we don’t need to go into here.


Avery and Leadstone had opened a gap between themselves and the rest of the crew and this was to be their undoing. A swarthy gnome of a woman rose quietly from behind the hedge and aimed her musket at the back of Cptn Avery’s noble head and with a grunt in Spanish she pulled the trigger.


Our gallant Captain might have mistaken the ill looking woman for one of the beasts in the field but that was his last mistake, as her bullet went through the back of his skull and out the front. Leadstone looked down in horror as his commanding officer fell to the ground. Although it probably went through his mind that there would be no open casket for Avery he responded to the attack immediately.

“Ambush” he roared in a voice that could have been heard in the Main Tops when he was a young Lieutenant in the Royal Navy and even now his men responded as a well trained team will……..


They dithered a little, dallied even more and then ran around like headless chickens.


Scudder pushed through the hedge and screaming like a banshee, he advanced on the ill looking Spanish woman.

Seconds later another woman rose from the near side of the hedge, she was dressed in a tight fitting green uniform and armed with a Baker Rifle. Quick as lightening she aimed and fired on Mad John Leadstone, blood trickled from the wound but he remained on his feet. Swaying a little from the pain he bellowed to Fishbait “Get her” In spite of his wooden crutch Fishbait lunged through the hedge bordering the track and drawing his cutlass he closed with the cowardly assassin who recoiled in horror as the brave man advanced.


The unarmed mule skinner was heard to mutter “The Saints preserve us” as another of the ill looking bunch poked her wicked head over the wall next to him. This was the leader of the dastardly band, a low outcast from society, Mary Shelly with an itchy belly. She was known in the drinking dens of the marches as a poet and writer of sorts, an underserved reputation, unlike the one she had for treachery and low cunning which was well deserved.
She might have been one of the most unsavoury characters to wave a red and white plume on a shako but she was a crack shot and the innocent mule skinner died instantly.


It would be no comfort to him to know that Comfort Weeks strolled calmly to the wall and realising that the rules seemed to favour shooting more than was expected put a bullet between the squinty eyes of Shelly with the itchy belly and the leader of the cowardly desperadoes died as quickly as her previous innocent victim.


Comfort Weeks also took no comfort from the fact that like a demented Jack in a box, another of the villainous crew popped up and shot her without warning. There was some mutinous muttering that the villain had a book in one hand and a sword in the other, how then was she able to shoot, this was quickly quashed by the chap who was reading the rules.
As you see here Tempest Abercrombie exacted swift revenge for the unlawful killing of poor Comfort by putting a bullet into the scurrilous hound and you can see her blood staining the ground. (The red cube means she’s wounded, but you probably guessed that.) Unfortunately she didn’t die like the dog she was. (Note the tense).


Brave and noble Edouard d’Orsay drew his cutlass and advanced on the evil wretch. Brandishing his weapon he invited her to take a turn or two around the dead body of her leader, she blanched and stuttered a reply that was lost in the wind.
(Note the book and sword - clearly no pistol).


Another of the evil crew steps out from hiding and plugs the already wounded John Leadstone. No mercy is obviously their battle cry. Muffled a little from behind their hiding places.


Edouard attacked his wicked enemy and struck a mighty blow, she parried in vain because her cheap nine penny sword was smashed asunder and his blade made of the finest Sheffield steel clove her to the bone. She died a whimpering death.

Things are looking quite sticky for our intrepid hero’s, but they’re a plucky bunch and will fight on in spite of the loss of their courageous leader and valiant second in command.


Typically the enemy resort to underhand tactics, two against one. Fishbait is a fine old gentleman with one leg and he had an exhausting night the previous night, battling monsters in an underground cavern system, a tale that may never be told now, but these wicked scoundrels have no honour and show no mercy, they attack him viciously.


They butcher the poor old, one legged gentleman without remorse, as Modesty Higginbottom looks on in horror at the unspeakable events happening in front of her. She points her pistol and fires, there is the satisfaction of seeing one of the ignoble fiends’s hit and blood spurts from the wound. Of course you can’t get blood from a stone and so this dries up quickly.


The other old veteran, Scudder is slain by the callous Spanish witch and he dies a painful death, his passing is not an easy one as she leans over him, muttering in Spanish. She asks where he keeps his valuables but the scent of her garlic laden breath takes him aback and he can not respond.

That and the fact that he can’t speak Spanish so doesn’t have a clue what she is asking.


Well they might be a plucky bunch but events are unfolding in favour of the mean, cowardly, back shooting ambushers and the brave and plucky Revenue men decide they would be better off by making a strategic withdrawal. They have given their best but the odds were always against them, I think it was eight to eight but two of them only have 1 leg each so in a leg count the odds were against them.


Tempest Abercrombie, Edouard d’Orsay and Modesty Higginbottom looking pale and wan, make a fighting withdrawal (at speed) back down the green lane leaving behind many brave men and women of the Revenue Service.

There is an adjunct, maybe an addenda or addendum depending on your level of education, mine leads me to think of it as an extra bit but I’m sure someone will correct me soon enough.

After a few stiffening libations down at the Dog and Sprocket the surviving members of the Revenue men decided that they should return to the scene of their defeat and see if any of their brothers in arms survived the vicious and unprovoked ambush. Quietly moving up the green lane they can see lights on in Squire Samuel Benbow Snapcase’s house. Edging closer they see candles flickering and hear loud, raucous voices, shouting and singing as if in celebration.

They creep up to the house and hear some talk that indicates the rather manish figure in the tight fitting green uniform is none other than the infamous The Honourable Verity (Peaches) Snapcase, is she related in some strange way to Squire Snapcase?  Almost certainly.
Then Edouard remembers the recent rumour that the current Lord Snapcase has recruited a unit of ruffians and nerdowells called the Silver Bayonet, can this be the very same brigands that set upon the Revenue men. For more information about these brigands have a look at this https://leadadventureforum.com/index.php?topic=135787.0  and see if you recognise any of them by their current actions.

As you will have realized my opponent for this game was the well known Mad Lord Snapcase, Lady Snapcase was visiting family and friends in the area and he was able to slip away for a short while. As always after his infrequent visits I was left saddened by the fact that he and the other member of our Triumvirate Sir Douglas live so far away. However on counting the number of empty bottles of wine and the depleted state of my larder it’s maybe just as well.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed reading my true and impartial account of our game, should my opponent be along shortly to disabuse you of that fact you should consider that as the rule reader and main protagonist of this dastardly action he might be biased, unlike your current narrator.

Cheers
« Last Edit: March 23, 2023, 06:08:11 PM by Vagabond »

Offline marianas_gamer

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Re: En Guarde you Villain’s
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2023, 07:45:57 PM »
Vagars,
Only you could make "heroes" of Revennuers! Pitty about the damage to your wine cellar. Having that Snapcase fella over will do that. That is why we have a standing order of arrest on sight here on Guam!
Got to kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight.

Offline Malamute

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Re: En Guarde you Villain’s
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2023, 08:56:34 PM »
Splendid looking game  :)
"These creatures do not die like the bee after the first sting, but go on age after age, feeding on the blood of the living"  - Abraham Van Helsing

Offline sir_shvantselot

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Re: En Guarde you Villain’s
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2023, 09:19:59 PM »
Fantastic.

Online OSHIROmodels

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Re: En Guarde you Villain’s
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2023, 09:25:24 PM »
Great fun as always  :)
cheers

James

https://www.oshiromodels.co.uk/

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Offline Doug ex-em4

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Re: En Guarde you Villain’s
« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2023, 10:19:33 PM »
Sorry I missed this one (and the other one and the other, other one).

It’s a great looking table and an engaging scenario. The report is, of course, top-notch. We await the alternative version from the Snapcase faction.

Meanwhile, in future, remember the old saying, "Beware of Unaccompanied Lentils."

Doug

Offline mweaver

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Re: En Guarde you Villain’s
« Reply #6 on: March 24, 2023, 03:07:58 AM »
Beautiful board, and excellent work on the figures as well.  The Black Scorpion pirates are one of my favorite ranges.

-Michael

Offline Mad Lord Snapcase

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Re: En Guarde you Villain’s
« Reply #7 on: March 24, 2023, 08:26:39 AM »
It must be obvious to the intelligent and attractive readers of this thread, who will form their own opinion as to the veracity of this report, that the execrated tax flunkies deserved a sound drubbing!

Thus it was, that Squire Snapcase, sapped and wearied by ‘Old Bill’s’ incessant demands for a douceur, came up with a cunning plan.

Knowing that the voracious vassals of the Revenue were intent on delivering some confiscated brandy to Snapcase Manor, the Squire passed on the particulars to his niece, the Honourable Verity ‘Peaches’ Snapcase. Peaches, of course, being a member of the ‘Much-Piddling Eight’, a guild of like-minded fearless and doughty women, who served the Prince Regent under the auspices of the Prime Minister, William Cavendish-Bentinck, 3rd Duke of Portland.

Thus, it came to pass, on that fateful day, that an ambush was planned to restore the confiscated brandy to its rightful owners, the Much-Piddling Eight. In return for the intelligence relating to the intended delivery, the Eight intended to share the proceeds of the ambush with the Squire.

The rest is, as they say, history…..

‘Old Bill’ met his deserved end, his head blown off by Doctor Pattie O’Fernyture’s trusty blunderbuss. Our narrator states that she is Spanish, but this is only half true. Pattie Harper was born in 1782 in Tangaveane, County Donegal. She was the second of eleven children who survived infancy in a farming family in the Catholic peasantry that predominated in rural Ireland at the time. Her younger brother Patrick (the fourth child), may be known to some readers for his exploits in the 95th Rifles. Patrick had left the family in 1801 to join the British Army. Pattie’s father was Irish, but her mother was from Catalonia (a relative of one Stephen Maturin FRS). She was married off young, so that there were less mouths to feed in the Harper farm. Her husband, Darragh O’Fernyture was killed in the Irish rebellion of 1798. Pattie attended medical studies at Trinity College, Dublin, paid for by a rich uncle, Séamus O’Fernyture.

From left to right we have; Lady Constance Snoring-Cabstanleigh, Duchess Ophelia Lovett-Behynde, 1st Lieutenant Veronica (Ronnie) Toastrack, Major Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Comtesse Marie Antoinette du Bedandboard, Marchioness Honeysuckle Tossington-Crust, Doctor Pattie O’Fernyture and The Honourable Verity (Peaches) Snapcase.


Although having used the En Garde! rules before, (see The Ruin of Mimsie Hawley), we were keen to get to the sword fighting part, which in this set of rules, we particularly enjoy. We had not realised from our previous game, how efficacious the firearms were, resulting in several deaths before the fighting became hand-to-hand. A great game though and many thanks to Vaggers for organising it.

I must thank Vaggers and Mrs. Vaggers for their superb hospitality during my sojourn in their delightful abode. Once again, Mrs. V’s homemade lemon drizzle cake was in evidence, heaven on a stick!

As has already been stated, we sorely missed our third musketeer, the charming and erudite Doug ex-em4, the very essence of joie de vivre!
« Last Edit: March 24, 2023, 08:36:29 AM by Mad Lord Snapcase »


Offline Vagabond

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Re: En Guarde you Villain’s
« Reply #8 on: March 24, 2023, 11:42:19 AM »
Vagars,
Only you could make "heroes" of Revennuers! Pitty about the damage to your wine cellar. Having that Snapcase fella over will do that. That is why we have a standing order of arrest on sight here on Guam!

 lol You're right about the Revenue men, but this made a better story I hope. If I'm totally truthful the Mad Lord brought more wine than he drank but I believe your standing order on Guam is still a sound policy.  ;)
Cheers

Offline Vagabond

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Re: En Guarde you Villain’s
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2023, 11:53:03 AM »
Malamute, Sir Shvantselot, Jim, Doug and MWeaver thanks for your comments and I'm pleased you enjoyed the authorised version of the story.

As for his Lordships version of events

It must be obvious to the intelligent and attractive readers of this thread, who will form their own opinion as to the veracity of this report

Indeed they will, I've no doubt of it.  8) ;)

All I can say about your Gels is by their deeds shall they reveal their true nature. That and the fact they are a damn tough bunch. :o :o

Offline Mad Lord Snapcase

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Re: En Guarde you Villain’s
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2023, 11:55:23 AM »
Quote
Having that Snapcase fella over will do that. That is why we have a standing order of arrest on sight here on Guam!

If I ever make the 7,000+ mile trip, I do hope you will bail me out of jail, so we can have a cocktail or two together?

Quote
If I'm totally truthful the Mad Lord brought more wine than he drank

What? There muss be shome misshtake, surely, hic!

Offline marianas_gamer

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Re: En Guarde you Villain’s
« Reply #11 on: March 24, 2023, 10:20:28 PM »
My dear Mad Lord,
I suspect that Scrotum carries a bag of local currency to spring you from duress whenever you travel, so my efforts would not be needed. I would indeed enjoy having some cocktails with you and talk story if you ever make it to Guam. Remind Scrotum that it is American dollars on Guam.

Offline FifteensAway

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Re: En Guarde you Villain’s
« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2023, 06:49:24 AM »
Doctor Pattie O’Fernyture.  Indeed.  Love that name.  I do believe she has some relatives, somewhat derelict these days, lounging about by the pool out back.  lol. Was it the late Robin Williams that popularized that name?

Fun report and game.
« Last Edit: March 26, 2023, 11:14:37 PM by FifteensAway »

Offline Marine0846

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Re: En Guarde you Villain’s
« Reply #13 on: March 27, 2023, 02:07:29 PM »
Great fun reading the story.
Love the figures and the terrain.
Thanks for sharing.
Semper Fi, Mac

Offline Sunjester

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Re: En Guarde you Villain’s
« Reply #14 on: April 03, 2023, 10:33:19 AM »
Great pictures and storytelling. Really entertaining, thanks.

 

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