The True and Unbiased account of the ‘Trouble at No Paleta Arroyo’ Part Uno
The Big Butte Railway Company, out of El Paso are building a line westward, aiming for Tucson, Arizona, and there's a creek to be bridged near Las Palomas in Sierra County. Unfortunately their Surveyor had been drinking and drew the planned rail route on a napkin after a hard night on the bottle. When the Construction Manager arrived after a weekend in Big Martha’s Bordello for refined young ladies he was horrified to discover the bridge under construction was going to take the rail track right through a large rocky butte.
A fresh supply of dynamite made short work of the butte and the resultant rubble pile hid the join on the board just as effectively.
Fifteens that was very astute of you to notice one of the many flaws in the table layout, if only you’d mentioned the surplus amount of bric a brac my cunning plan might have had more chance of being effective.
You are looking at the scenery from the losing side, Sheriff Snapcases side, because the Mescal Fiend, Raving Jack Daniels and his partner in crime Oliver Standish, sometimes known as Crazy Ollie, Sensible Standish, Steadfast Standish or, as I shall refer to him today, Scampering Standish, are going to clear that varmint Snapcase out of the Territory and they are approaching the railway construction site from the far side.
You may wonder in passing, why Scampering Standish? The reason will become clear but only if you have the stamina to read right to the end of this tale.
The Snapcase gang are under the loose control of Snappers all the beautiful terrain and figures are his. The Mad Lord lives somewhere in deepest darkest Devon, but tries to keep his exact location secret, something to do with the Taxman I believe!
Every so often Douggers or Scampering Standish in this case gets banished to the War Room, or ‘his shed’ as Mrs Douggers calls it, and we are able to have a clandestine conference call on something called the internet.
I played as the Mescal Fueled, Raving Jack Daniels based north of the Watford-Dixon Line, and close to eee by gum country. Jack is making his way through the construction camp with evil thoughts on his mind.
Pink shirt Spooner and Scampering Standish made their way swiftly forwards to the cover of the circled wagons.
Douggers had seen too many westerns when he was a young sprog and knew that safety from the wild warriors of the plains was to be had behind the wooden walls of the Prairie Schooners. He expected they would give him the same protection from the ravening Snapcase cutthroat’s, he was to be shocked and surprised as events unfolded.
Arkwright the Shopkeeper rushed to the protection offered by a large sack pile. You may remember this ineffective desperado from the previous gunfight and be surprised that he survived that showdown. Scum rises to the surface and this man proves the point.
The Big Sausage, Sheriff Saveloy Snapcase moved towards the water tank. He obviously thought it contained whisky, because you may remember he was more than a little slow to move anywhere in the last action, or in his case, inaction.
His sidekick the woman in the blue hat ran forward and hid behind a tent, claiming hard cover, or maybe “if I can’t see you then you can’t see me. So yah boo sucks”
The Kid ambled forward, sure of herself after gaining a reputation as a shootist and marksman in the previous gunfight. Molly was the only character to advance their reputation substantially, and has an ace up her sleeve that will be revealed in due course.
I’m rather hoping it won’t be Aces along with Eights.
Mellon Balls remained true to the Snapcase gangs ethos “Inaction speaks louder than words” and didn’t move forwards at all.
Jack paused for a minute or two to have a drink with some poor chap who was having wobbly leg syndrome and had collapsed in the entrance to his tent. Jack kindly helped him out by gulping down the last dregs from the bottle before continuing on his quest ‘to kill and skin a Snapcase’.
And that’s when the Mescalero Apache arrived.
Standish is contemplating his next move, how to run forward and get the drop on Sheriff Snappers. Then he rolled his action dice, three of them were 6’s. Hell in tarnation wasn’t the only blaspheming comment that sprang to his lips as he revised his possible options.
Because the whole Apache nation had appeared over the nearest hill, just like in all the old Westerns. Whooping and hollering they looked pretty menacing but Standish stood his ground, then without any further provocation, he shot them.
It later transpired that they were shouting encouragement to Standish, exhorting him to destroy the tracks that would carry the Iron Horse across their land. They were a little put out by his lack of enthusiasm for their support and as one of the shots hit Little Bear they decided to go home, disappearing back over the crest as swiftly as they’d arrived.
Jack moved like a panther, or as close as a one eyed fat man can be to a panther. Crossing the open ground swiftly he reached the train and pulling a crate of cabbages out of his way he climbed onto the flatbed.
There was some consternation on the Snapcase side of the board at this bold move, Snappers insisting that the Conductor would want to see Jack’s ticket. Things got a little ugly for a time but quietened down after it was pointed out that he didn’t look like a Train Conductor, more like the Guard, so he wouldn’t care about tickets.
Jack fires his trusty Winchester but he can’t remember hitting anyone, mescal will do that. Artful Arkwright was later seen hiding in a panic behind some sacks so maybe it was just a close call for the man in the pinny.
Scampering Standish made his move and a pretty brave move it was. Striding around what was to be known as the transparent cow catcher he raised his revolver to shoot. Sheriff Snappers (out of focus in the foreground) shouted BONANZA, not to be outdone Standish shouted BONANZA back at him.
To Bonanza like a lunatic is apparently a descriptive phrase from the Old West and if you’ve read the What a Cowboy rules you will know what I’m talking about and if you haven’t……..you won’t.
Snappers fired first, and missed. Standish fired back and must have missed as well. My notes are a little vague at this point. Then Snappers anounced Deputy Meener will shoot, then move along behind the train, not exposing herself. It went a little quiet at this point as we digested this information. She fired.
Standish dodged the bullet, moving behind the transparent cow catcher and either rolled on the ground or stood like a statue, we couldn’t decide. The blood marker is just to indicate he’s pinned not bleeding.
Snappers goes forward to see what effect the bullet had and Misty Meener in the Blue Hat arrives on the scene, not exposing herself too much.
Someone fires at Jack and he dodges behind the crate of tomatoes.
I’m not sure who fired on Jack, the rascal of a shopkeeper is hiding behind his pile of sacks and so it was either the large Green Mellon in the sombrero or his own daughter Molly.
Either are a possibility.
You’ve probably forgotten about the two guys helping Jack and Standish rid the Territory of the Snapcase plague. Molly ‘The Kid’ had taken a commanding position on some high ground out to the left of Jack and Spooner in the pink shirt had been lurking in the circle of wagons.
He moves away from the protection of solid wooden wagons for the illusory protection of a cactus bush and opens fire on Sheriff Snappers, missing with each shot.
By the way, I was much impressed by the cactus and from a distance of about 200 miles they looked really good, even better when Snappers sent me the pictures.
That snake in the desert Arkright, had a snake in his boot when he rolled three 6’s to activate but it didn’t stop him rising from his hiding place behind the sacks, and climbing on the flat bed. Throwing off a mountain of sacks to make way for his ungainly carcase before opening fire on poor Jack Daniels who was having 40 winks to recover from the rush to the train, not from the rot gut whisky he’d drunk earlier in case you were wondering.
You’ll be as relieved as I was when all Arkright’s shots missed.
Big Grin’s in Derbyshire
and loud moans in Devon
.
The transparent cow catcher was a source of much discussion. Apparently it could provide cover for a Sheriff but not for a Standish. This all became a little irrelevant when Misty hitched up her skirts and moved into the cactus patch, as well as claiming she wasn’t exposing herself, she shot Standish in the leg.
This was all too much for the poor chap and he got a new nickname when he scampered away from the blue hated harridan. Unfortunately Scampering Standish is gone for the immediate future leaving his back up man Pink Shirt Spooner to face down the two evil villains, Snappers and The Cactus Patch Doll.
I did mention earlier that Molly ‘The Kid’ had an Ace up her sleeve and she had taken a commanding, flanking position on some high ground.
The Ace was a big calibre Trapdoor Springfield Rifle and she’d been practicing her Marksman skills with it. Shoot, load, shoot, the Green Mellon moved swiftly for one so large and he was behind the rock before you could blink an eye.
The disadvantage of the Springfield is it’s a 1 shot weapon, the advantage is, if it hits, you know you’ve been hit.
The disadvantage of a commanding, flanking position is that there is too much terrain for a sniper to get line of sight on a target, even if it is large and dressed in a highly visible and unbecoming green suit, the advantage is that you’re too far away to be hit with a hand gun which is all Mellon Balls has..
Well that's it, we are only part way through turn 3 of the game but it’s not looking too good for the brave men of the Daniel/Standish gang. Scampering Standish may walk with a limp in the future, if so he may develop another nickname, only time and the dice will decide, but a limp Standish doesn’t bear thinking about. With him gone we’re close to testing to see if we ride for the hills or some such nonsense but there is good news.
The rules use a card deck to decide the activation sequence and there are three characters still to activate this turn. Spooner is facing off against the Sheriff and they both have their move to come but the one I’m looking forward to most, is when Jack Daniels rises from his nap like an avenging angel and brings down retribution on that snake Arkwright.
Retribution will come in the form of a hail of .45 calibre bullets.
The snake has already activated and will be waiting with trembling knees to collect his just desserts next Wednesday, all I need are six favourable dice and he’s a dead man.
If you got this far, thanks for reading and if there are any rebuttals of this true and honest account by low life Sheriff's out there, then I trust you will treat them with the contempt they deserve.
Cheers
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April 28, 2024, 10:44:48 PM
January 09, 2011, 09:13:30 PM
