Dang it. I was going for jocularity, not levity or mirth...oh well, carry on...
I’m against all those on principle.
Tendentious. Well. Learn a new word every day.
:DGlad to be of service
And now - on with the After Action ReportThe Field Exercise
The weather was fine for the day of the exercise. The two leaders, along with the bishop, met to finalise details an hour before H-Hour. "I need your assurance, gentlemen, that you have made absolutely certain that no live ammunition is available to either side? No shotgun cartridges secreted in poachers pockets; no air rifles or pistols, catapults, bows and arrows or any other missile weapon? And no fireworks or pyrotechnics? Because," he continued "I think this exercise may get a little rough even without any of that sort of weaponry. The Felpersham section you recruited, Sir Rufus, the "Do-or-Dies as they call themselves, are little more than a bunch of gangsters with no love for the police. And some of the police, in their turn, have quite a simplistic approach to enforcing the laws."
Sir Rufus and the Chief-Superintendent hastened to assure the bishop that all was in hand and in order. "We both checked our own commands thoroughly then checked each other’s. Confiscated a few bits and pieces; all clear now," The Chief assured the bishop with Sir Rufus adding his agreement.
"That’s reassuring, gentlemen," said the bishop "And you will, in turn, be reassured to know that I’ve recruited two umpires to help me with this task." He indicated his two companions. Presenting a jolly, rotund gentleman, he said "This is Father Fallacious O’Deere "and this", he continued, pointing to the other man, a taller, more intense personage, "is Presbyter Enoch Tantamount
The Bishop with the two leaders on his left and his assistant adjudicators on his right"One slight request, said Sir Rufus with untypical diffidence, "the nanny from Herefordshire, Sir Gilbert’s grenade-thrower." "Yes? What of it," queried the bishop. "Well, she’s a very determined lady. She says she hasn’t come this far just to throw tennis balls at coppers. She wants to have a few fireworks, just some penny bangers, to make things a bit more realistic.The bishop mused briefly then said "Of course, we can’t have the good lady thinking her time has been wasted. A few penny bangers for her, and
only her, will be acceptable." When Sir Rufus passed the good news to Nanny Pankhurst, she smiled a little smile that could only be called enigmatic.
Formalities concluded, the two leaders returned to their commands and awaited the bishop’s signal which was the firing of the only gun allowed in the exercise - a starting pistol.
The area of the exerciseEXERCISE CONTROLLERS
Adjudicator: Right Reverend Chauncey Lancelot, Bishop of Felpersham
Umpire: Father Fallacious O’Deere
Umpire: Presbyter Enoch Tatamount
ORDERS of BATTLE
Wiltshire Police Flying Column DetachmentHQ - Chief Superintendent Ronald Bigsworth-Hill
2 I/c
2 runners
1st Section - 9 rifles, 1 Lewis gun - regular
2nd Section - 9 rifles, 1 Lewis gun - inexperienced
HMG - 1 Vickers and crew - regular
Motorcycle Section - 9 rifles, 1 Lewis gun - regular
Borsetshire MilitiaHQ - Sir Rufus Pitt-Bulstrode, Lord Lieutenant of Borsetshire and Squire of Much Rampling
Hon Freddie Pitt-Bulstrode - 2 i/c
Stirrup - valet, acting as runner
McGruel - gamekeeper, acting as runner
1st Section (Tenants, Farmers etc) - 9 assorted rifles/shotguns; 1 Lewis gun - regular
2nd Section, The Felpersham “Do-or-Dies” – 9 smg; 1 Lewis gun - untrained
Seconded from Sir Gilbert Hill’s Volunteers (Herefordshire):
Steam armoured car - regular
POUM mortar section – regular
Mad Wullie McSpaniel – satchel bomber and confirmed maniac
Nanny Pankhurst - grenadier
Positions after initial moves to contactInitially, the police moved with speed and determination. The 1st section sped down the main road and turned left into the lane leading to Bridge Farm. They debussed by the junction and headed for Bridge Farm on foot, not wanting to be exposed to fire whilst in the vulnerable lorry.
The WPFC 1st Section (in helmets) debussed by the telephone box - the 2nd Section’s van halts outside Grange FarmClose behind them, the 2nd section halted outside Grange Farm, debussed and occupied the farm. Meanwhile, the motorcycle section roared up the secondary road to the east of Grange Farm, heading for Brookfield with the HMG in support. The Chief Superintendent set up HQ to the south of Grange Farm.
2nd Section debuss from the rear of their van
The Chief sets up HQSir Rufus sent the steam armoured car straight along the main road with the intention of securing the cross road. The 1st section followed them until the hills to the west petered out then turned off the road. They’re objective was Bridge Farm. The support elements came up the main road behind 1st Section with the objective of supporting the armoured car at the crossroads.
Sir Rufus’ armoured car approaches the crossroads, followed by the support elements. The Borsetshire 1st Section has turned off the roadThe 2nd Section, the "Felpersham Do or Dies" debussed north of their objective, Brookfield, and straggled towards it.
The Do or Dies disorganised move on BrookfieldThe two sides were almost immediately visible to each other. The police 1st Section filed down the lane towards Bridge Farm and immediately found that Sir Rufus’ 1st Section were heading in the same direction. Fire was exchanged and the umpires allocated casualties to both sides. The police, being behind some cover, came off the better.
The police 1st Section and the Borsetshire 1st Section exchange fireGrange Farm was successfully occupied by the police 2nd Section whilst the Borsetshire armoured car reached the crossroads with the support weapons close behind. Nanny Pankhurst, Mad Wullie McSpaniel and the spotter for the POUM mortar section debussed and proceeded on foot alongside the armoured car.
Signor Vittore Lombardi proudly carries the flag of The Bulk Importers Volunteers, a unit in Sir Gilbert Hill’s volunteer forceAt Brookside, the Do or Dies got behind the stone wall on the track leading to the farm. Opposite them, the police motorcycle section had dismounted and were also approaching the farm. Once again, fire was exchanged. This time, the umpires decided both sides had one casualty - the benefit that the Do or Dies received from their stone wall cover being offset by their lack of discipline and training.
The Do or Dies engage the dismounted motorcycle section. Brookside is to the right of the photoThe police HMG was deployed near Grange Farm covering the crossroads.
The police 1st Section, although harassed by fire from their opponents, successfully reached Bridge Farm with minimum casualties.
Their opponents, the Borsetshire 1st Section were still challenging them for possession but had lost far more men.
The running fight between the two 1st Sections as both try to be first at Bridge Farm
The police reach Bridge Farm firstIn the centre, the armoured car exchanged fire with the police HMG without casualties on either side. The Borsetshire support elements were still milling about by the armoured car although the mortar spotter pushed on with determination.
The mortar spotter bravely advancing - he is alongside the front left wheel of the armoured carPolice HQ retired to cover and The Chief dismounted from his command vehicle
The Chief on foot and the HMG, being scrutinised by the bishop, engages the enemy armoured carAt Brookside, the Motorcycle Section echeloned right to get behind the farm whilst the Do or Dies kept up an ineffective fire whilst also edging closer to the farm.
The dismounted motorcycle section with the Do or Dies harassing them from behind the stone wallThe survivors of the Borsetshire 1st Section reached Bridge Farm but had been reduced to only three men. They were quickly overwhelmed leaving the farm in the possession of the police.
The outnumbered remnants of Borsetshire 1st Section overwhelmed at Bridge FarmThe armoured car and HMG continued to fire wildly at each other but the POUM observer was shot by rifle fire from Grange Farm leaving the mortar incapable of accurate indirect fire.
Stalemate as the HMG and armoured car continue their struggleMad Wullie McSpaniel crossed to a small copse by the crossroads where he waited in ambush, furious but largely redundant.
Mad Wullie McSpaniel, well hidden in ambush and seething with impotent furyMeanwhile, Nanny Pankhurst was sent by Sir Rufus to support the attack on Brookside.
Grenadier Nanny Pankhurst arrives to assist the Do or Dies at Brookside
The situation near the end of the day when the bishop sent word to his assistants to curtail the exerciseThe light was beginning to fade and Bishop Lancelot sent runners to his umpires to curtail the exercise. However there was still time for perhaps the most dramatic incident of the day. The Do or Dies had been adjudged to have some success down at Brookside and the police Motorcycle Section had been reduced to four men who took refuge in the farm, besieged and outnumbered by the Do or Dies. However, it looked as though the umpires would have to rule that the farm was still contested when Nanny Pankhurst took a hand in the proceedings. She was a keen cricketer and was a valued member of the Golden Valley men’s first eleven. As well as being an obdurate lower-order bat and a conventional (but wily) off spinner, she was an exceptional outfielder, being able to regularly send the ball from her customary position at cow-corner directly into the hands of the ‘keeper. Now, she reached into her weapons-pram and drew out some of the fireworks that the bishop had allowed her to have. Except, they weren’t quite what the bishop had specified. Instead of an innocent penny banger, she had in her hand a bundle of five, Standard Fireworks, tuppence ha’penny Cannon Crashers, secured by string round a stone. Quickly lighting the fuses, she threw them with marvellous accuracy
<she had a sequence of very good dice> through the window above the front door of the farm. The missile hit the wall and bounced down into the farm, exploding with tremendous force. Father O’Deere had just arrived in the vicinity to tell the participants that the exercise was over. He had no hesitation In declaring that the police in the farm were all casualties and that Brookside should be awarded to the Borsetshire Militia side.
Nanny Pankhurst’s spectacular interventionThe bishop convened a meeting with his fellow controllers and after a short discussion, announced that the WPFC had gained the victory, holding two objectives whilst the Borsetshire Militia had one. Actual physical casualties were limited to abrasions, bruises, bleeding shins and just one broken nose - a member of the police 1st Section who "tripped" whilst contesting Bridge Farm with a beefy tenant farmer. His helmet slipped over his face and the rim collided with his nose.
Both commanders declared that valuable lessons had been learned and they were both better prepared to meet the threat from the socialist coalition. Whether this confidence was justified will only be confirmed by victory in the field.
Thanks for reading. If you’ve got this far - you deserve a medalDoug
Welcome, Guest. Please 
April 28, 2024, 09:50:39 AM
September 25, 2007, 10:45:46 PM