Sherlock Holmes and the case of the many objectives.

[Silbuster]

Dr Watson here. An urgent missive received from the Yard; Holmes lead the force’s finest in their quest to retrieve stolen defence secrets cached at the shunting yard at St Pancras before the nefarious ne’er-do-wells of the country house gang got their filthy hands on them. We arrived in the nick of time as the criminal country bumpkins were already there. The secrets were stored in six separate places. The race was on!

But they were no match either for the meticulous planning of Holmes or the devastating accuracy of WPC Sniper Sue (heroine of the Yard).

The action began on the right where a pygmy pipsqueak ally of the country crime lord cunningly hid himself behind a barrel of explosives. One careless shot by PC Barn Door blew four evil doers to kingdom come and knocked two more to the floor. Aiming carefully through the smoke, WPC Sniper Sue shot Hercule Poirot’s evil twin, Smirking Poirot, through to his final case. With the forces of evil satisfyingly diminished, Sherlock lead the charge forward. Provided we dodged trains and steered clear of further barrels, things were looking good!

On the left, Flash Harry was completely bamboozled by Sherlock’s meticulous planning leaving just the criminal cook and sundry short people to carry the day. Which they didn’t. Largely. The shifty chef went down under a hail of bullets and the butt end of truncheons. Well, you have to be sure don't you? The pusillanimous  pygmy broke his spear on Sergeant Cork’s head and then sent him to the floor with a punch to the goolies. Talk about a low blow (low/pygmy? Get it? Oh, please yourselves). The Sergeant will get well soon though he may never walk straight again. Meanwhile something wicked this way came via the house of the left. Fortunately for everybody’s stomach it didn’t come out although PC WotInGodsNameIsThat! did lose his head in fright for a bit. Flash Harry finally found out which way was forward but forward for him was into a hail of bullets. With the forces of disorder in disorder, things were looking good on the left.

In the middle, Dr Watson ran heroically through the enemy’s ranks to seize the furthest of the secret plans. Brilliantly shooting the bad butler before he could shoot back, he then ran on and knocked the Pretender to the Throne to the floor before she could fry him with her flame thrower (which she keeps in her handbag along with a corgi…) At this point, Colonel Sanders with his Kentucky frying arc cannon finally managed to overcome being bamboozled by Holmes’ meticulous planning and took a snap shot at Sue (heroine of the Yard). And missed. Which was bad luck for the vertically challenged chief since it allowed Sue to take careful aim and reduced his already vertically challenged form to the tune of one head. Things were looking good in the centre.

At this point, the survivors of the shire’s worst ran for home. The empire was saved for another day. God save the Queen!

Dr Watson

No battle pictures, I'm afraid. We have a new photographer but he doesn't know how to download the pictures... no wonder we lost the empire. As a consolation, we present Holmes and Watson having a pint to celebrate. Watson seem very taken with Wendy the Wayward Waitress but cold-blooded Holmes is indifferent. Perhaps he already knows that Wendy is an agent provocateur of Diamond Annie...

Sherlock Holmes et l’affaire des nombreuses cibles.

Que je me presente; Dr Watson. Ayant recu un message urgent du Cour; Holmes a mene les meilleurs de la Maison afin de retrouver les secrets de defense, voles et caches a la gare de Saint Pancras, avant que les malfaiteurs maudits du gang du chateau ne puissent poser la main dessus. Nous sommes arrives a pic comme les abrutis venus de la campagne etaient deja arrives.

Mais ils n’ont pu se tenir ni contre le planning meticuleux de Sherlock Holmes, ni la precision de tir devastatrice de WPC Sniper Sue (heroine du Cour). La bagarre a commence a droite ou un petit pygmee, allie du chef de la bande, a eu l’idee magnifique de se cacher derriere un tonneau d’explosif. Un tir maladroit de la part de PC Aveugle a envoye quatre voyous aux enfers et laisser deux autres par terre a rever d’un avenir qui n’allait pas tarder a ne pas arriver. En visant avec soin a travers la fumee, WPC Sue a tire le jumeau mauvais de Hercule Poirot, Putride Poirot, dessus en lui donnant son enquete terminale. Maintenant que le nombre de cambrioleurs crapuleux avait ete reduit d’une facon satisfaisante, Sherlock a mene ses hommes a l’avant. Pourvu qu’ils evitent des trains et d’autres tonneaux soupconneux, tout devrait aller bien.

A gauche, Monsieur Malin n’etait pas assez malin pour eviter le planning meticuleux de Sherlock Holmes. Il ne pouvait pas decider s’il voulait tirer or courir a l’arriere. Il ne restait que la cuisiniere criminelle et quelques nains naifs pour resister aux notres. Laissez-nous rire. La cuisiniere s’est fait abattu comme un oeuf sous un fusillade de balles suivi d’un autre de batons sur la tete. If faut qu’on soit sur, vous savez. Seulement l’un des “yeux pres de la terre” a reussi a nous ralentir. Apres avoir casse sa lance a l’aide de la tete du sergent Cork, il lui a donne le coup bas d’un bas homme. On croit que le pauvre agent ira bien bientot meme qu’il se puisse qu’il  marche toujours a travers.  Entretemps, PC QueLeDiableEstCa a failli perdre la tete en voyant le visage qu’effrayerait la Meduse sort de la fenetre d’une maison voisine. Heureusement pour les estomacs de tout le monde et la paix du monde, la tete s’est retiree en voyant Monsieur Malin, finalement decide a s’avancer, tombe en recevant plusieurs balles que nous lui avions reservees. Avec les hommes du desordre en desordre, c’etait la vie en rose a gauche.

Entretemps, au centre, Dr Watson a couru vaillamment a travers les rangs de l’ennemi afin de saisir le plus lointain des secrets caches. Apres avoir tirer le mauvais maitre d’armes dessus avant que celui-ci n’ait pu viser. Continuant son attaque, il a abattu la soi-disante reine des Anglais avant qu’elle ne puisse le frire a l’aide de son lance-flammes (qu’elle garde dans son sac-a-main ainsi qu’un corgi - petit chien gallois). En ce moment, le Colonel Saunders, a enfin reussi a se debarrasser du planning meticuleux de Holmes et a tirer WPC Sue dessus. Et a rate. Ce qui a ete une mauvaise nouvelle pour le chef diminutif de la bande de pygmee dont la stature a ete reduite par une tete quand la mademoiselle n’a pas rate du tout.

Les survivants ont crie “Sauve qui peut”. Une fois de plus, l’empire a ete sauvee. Vive la reine!

Dr Watson.

Holmes et Watson prennent un verre apres la bataille. Watson semble etre enchante par Cecile, la serveuse seduisante, mais Holmes retient son sang-froid. Peut-etre qu'il sait deja que Cecile est l'une des agentes  provocatrices de "Diamant" Annie...

[Genghis]

As ever, most amusing.  Ta muchly.

[Craig]

Always good for a chortle