Author Topic: Ructions in Kleethorpe... (Read 1652 times)

Harry Faversham · « **on:** September 30, 2020, 10:21:28 AM »

Chad straightened up from his back breaking toll in the weed infested 'big field' bordering the little coastal village of Kleethorpe. It was a boiling hot day and Chad was on his chinstap...

"Today's a bad day, it can't get any worse than this!"

Harry Faversham · « **Reply #1 on:** September 30, 2020, 10:26:20 AM »

Seeing as how Chad's the village idiot, he doesn't realise that he exists in the Emporium, a place where it can always get worse. A sodding lot worse!!!

Harry Faversham · « **Reply #2 on:** September 30, 2020, 10:39:54 AM »

Toke, the big King of the Vikings turns to his son, Dib the little King of the Vikings and says...

"Today's a good day, it can't get any better than this!"

Harry Faversham · « **Reply #3 on:** October 04, 2020, 08:31:51 AM »

The Norsemen advanced rapidly on the unfortunate villagers who fled just as rapidly toward Bishop Bonk's Church, which they knew was guarded by heavily armed men. At the opposite side of the river in the Great Hall the Lord, Putrid son of Putrid, roused his warriors from a drunken slumber...

Harry Faversham · « **Reply #4 on:** October 04, 2020, 08:45:22 AM »

The hardy young men of the Saxon village grabbed their shields and pointy things, knowing they were no match for the fierce approaching enemies, yet desperate to hold till both the their Lord's and Bishop Bonks men could come to the rescue!

Atheling · « **Reply #5 on:** October 04, 2020, 08:49:03 AM »

A great looking game you have there Mr Harry

Harry Faversham · « **Reply #6 on:** October 04, 2020, 09:01:55 AM »

No match for the terrible ferocity of the Vikings the young men of the village pay a terrible price for courage. Raging, Putrid finally rouses his cavalry who , in even quicker order than the villagers are dashed to pieces on the Viking shield wall. Their sacrifice gave Putrid to rouse his drunken warriors with the flat of his sword, sod the villagers, he'd got his treasure chest to protect! Over at the Church Bishop Bonk's thoughts were nobler, he'd rallied his men to protect his flock... the four legged members of which were already being herded to the Longships by a great hairy bothered Viking!

Harry Faversham · « **Reply #7 on:** October 04, 2020, 09:13:34 AM »

This day the Lord was guiding Bishop Bonk's hand, his men stood firm as the villagers escaped to the sanctuary of a nearby wood. As the good Bishop perceived his men wavering, there and then he had an epithany! Storming through the brawling mass he roared...

"Get behind me Satan!!!"

Then promptly knocked The Big King of the Vikings into the Klee with his overgrown crucifix!!!
As his Guards broke and fled Bishop Bonk flailed around himself, killing many heathens, before being knocked into his church's Rhododendron bush and left for dead...
God's servant had done his duty...

Harry Faversham · « **Reply #8 on:** October 04, 2020, 09:28:20 AM »

Over at the Great Hall a somewhat less saintly scenario was playing out. As Putrid son of Putrid raged at his drunken underlings they were cut down to a man defending their Lord's treasure chest, which was promptly claimed by a Viking looter. This dastardly finally prompted Putrid to tun putrid...
He cut his way, single handed through the Viking's shield wall, dispatched the Viking looter, and galloped off with his rescued strongbox. Not very noble, some would say, but if you knew the family entirely predictable.

Harry Faversham · « **Reply #9 on:** October 04, 2020, 09:37:42 AM »

So dear reader, thus ended the ructions in Kleethorpe...
The Vikings gleaned Bishop Bonk's treasure chest from the church, remembered to fish out a sputtering Big King of the Vikings from the Klee, then headed back to the ships. Bok Bandylegs, helmsman of the King's ship Long Serpent, supervised the loading of the loot and captives, while waiting for the raiders to return...

Harry Faversham · « **Reply #10 on:** October 04, 2020, 09:50:08 AM »

From his hideout in a great Oak Chad saw the Viking fleet sail away. He climbed down and the survivors made their way back to Kleethorpe.
Passing the Churchyard Chad experienced a miracle. As a kid he'd been taught about Jesus and the burning bush, now he had one all of his own, a Rhododendron bush singing 'Onward Christian Sowjers'!!!
Falling to his knees he began to pray, Bishop Bonk struggled from the shrubbery, a lump as big as a curate's egg, on his noggin...

"Bless you my son, today's a good day, it could have been a lot worse!"