Force's Finest Flattened. Nation's Capital in Peril. Read all about it!

[Silbuster]

Evenin' all,

Lestrade of the Yard here again with another tale of law enforcement in the badlands, or Wapping as some call it. In receipt of an urgent message from the cathedral authorities, we made haste to investigate. On arrival we found the place packed with people with no interest in worshipping the almighty but lots with the intention of sending him more recruits. The force decided to take station in the pews and let them get on with it. After all, there's no sense in looking for trouble. Unfortunately, it came looking for us as hordes of Johnny Foreigner made a bee-line for our position pausing only occasionally to whack each other with an interesting assortment of sharp-edged weapons. As they converged on the force's finest, it was like Rorke's drift without the Zulus. Confronted by a bizarrely-costumed Oriental doxy asking him what the hell he thought he was looking at, PC Thripplethwaite asked whether she was wearing that alleged clothing as a bet. Whereupon she replied that she didn't have to take that from the likes of hollow-eyed, long-nose, comedy-haired barbarians like him and raked him with three inch long poisoned nails. And he only thought she was going to slap his chops! That'll teach him to mind his manners. Unfortunately, it set the tone for the evening as most of the force went down for the count. Even Dr Watson was laid low by a Yeti. Fortunately, its head was taken off by a single shot, possibly by WPC Sniper Sue, heroine of the Yard, just before she was felled by a wandering, reanimated, Egyptian mummy. What the hell are they putting in the water these days? All in all, a crushing blow for the force though there may be a silver lining since it may cover the embarrassment of accidentally gunning down three vicars, a nun and the Belgian super sleuth Hercule Poirot. Bad luck Herc! What a rotten night to choose to investigate the mystery of the poisoned chalice. The final result was a stunning victory for the evil black dragon Tong. The frothing at the mouth crowd from Egypt were a distant second as their followers suffered the fate of all red-shirted security men from antiquity to Steam Trek while their leader, the reincarnated pharaoh Akhenaton, displayed his fighting prowess by hitting the floor more often than a whore's drawers.
Never mind. We'll be back. Just as soon as they take the bandages off.

Chief Inspector Lestrade of the Yard.

P.S. It is with great sadness that we record the demise of PCs Blenkinsop, Postlethwaite and Cork. Again. Actually, with regards to Cork, aka Big Red, why is it every time that red beard appears he becomes that evening's designated target? Just a coincidence? We suspect not! We'll be watching next time!
P.P.S. Lots of our equipment failed during the action. On reflection we may have a saboteur on the force. Memo to ask our new recruit in the armoury, One-Hung-Lo, whether he's seen anything suspicious.

[Craig]

Note to self: do not eat cereal while reading any Lestrade story. Now must clean screen and keyboard 

[Lowtardog]

Great write up, and yes its the ginger factor I am afraid