Author Topic: Captain Khaki of the British Secret Service: If you go down to the woods today. (Read 1708 times)

Silbuster · « **on:** July 07, 2014, 08:51:48 PM »

As explained by ‘M’, it seemed straightforward. Ascertain what devilry is occurring in the Mystic Grove near Hammersmith Heath. So what am I doing here, Captain Khaki himself, in a wrecked house looking out upon the perplexing sight of Mystic Grove plus assorted foreign guards plus the traditional and modernist wings of the Turkish secret service? Any clues? Me, neither. Turning to Captains Black and Blue, I note them gazing determinedly into space. Typical bureaucrats. If there’s any **** hitting the fan here, then I’m first in the receiving queue. Right! Taking a resolute stance, my words die still-born in my mouth as the first machine gun bullets hit the wall to my right. And then all hell breaks loose. The mercenaries upstairs return a brisk fire while the huge boom of WPC Sniper Sue’s, oops!, I mean Captain Blue’s hunting rifle joins the chorus. It’s an uneven struggle. The lead falls like hail on our sanctuary, sweeping away the mercenaries. Looking at my distinctly inadequate revolver, my gaze wanders seeking a solution…

And Courageous Little Miss Blue races across to the Mystic Grove! Brilliant move, girl. Find out what’s within and legit for the horizon. Following her optimistically with my eyes, I notice that she’s suddenly face to face with Nosferatu. Now there’s a turn-up for the books. At the same moment, Dracula, the Prince of Darkness, three demons masquerading as werewolves and Jack the Ripper burst out from the foliage. Terrific. So much for a boring day at the office. Most head for the traditionalists whose flamethrower roasts a doggie while a modernist’s arc rifle toasts Fido. The rest race on with Dracula and Jack carving their way through the fezzes. Little Miss Blue, with only a revolver to her name, gamely fights on until shot down from behind by a modernist arc rifle. The swine! Eager for their pound of flesh, the modernist advance from cover and Captain Sue… Blue switches aim and starts to cut them down.

Meanwhile there is a polite knock at the door. Opening up, I find Dracula, the Prince of Darkness and their hound have come for a bite of lunch. Which today is apparently us. Effecting not to notice our protestations, they advance into mine and Captain Black’s embrace. The savage struggle continues but, astonishingly, the living and the undead remain so. Miss Pin, Miss White and Alice (yes, THAT Alice) return to help but to no avail. An inconvenient traditionalist, bored of waiting, turns up and tries to bag the canine first. Casually potting him with my revolver, I electrocute the doggy again. He gets back up. Again. What a way to earn a living. As night falls, the living suddenly find they have an appointment somewhere else. Anywhere else. And so we exit the field, bravely leaving a country safe for vampires and werewolves. Where is Inspector Lestrade when you need him? Shaken but not stirred, I’ll be bound.

Captain Khaki,
Agent of the Crown,
Ours. Of course.