Such a disappointment, really. It had been such a tempting lure. The Crown Jewels guarded only by some doddery, old men in tragically unfashionable tights tottering along the banks of the Thames. As the fog cleared, we gazed about hopefully for the easy pickings. Sadly, so were the impoverished Turks, so desperate to fund their asinine civil war that both sides had turned out. We glanced uneasily at each other and even more uneasily at the entire personnel of Scotland Yard. “Tally ho!”, yelled the Inspector. If struck me, you know, that our officers could really do with some nice gold piping on their rather plain uniforms. It also occurred to me that this had all the classic hallmarks of a trap…
Unfortunately, with the Thames behind us there was only one bridge to escape by and three companies to cross it. Fortunately, the fog and the police kept us too busy to bother each other. Which in many ways is a pity because I do really feel that I looked the part in this rather splendid sky blue affair. It so matches the colour of my crossbow that it was a shame not to show it off more. Still, you can’t have everything. And the constabulary were such importunate fellows that I lost two of my cheeky Chinese pirates before we pasted them sufficiently to make a getaway. Including one fellow in ghastly grey whom I shot in self-defence to put him out of my sensibilities. As all three companies raced for the bridge, with only Ahmed FireFez and his flamethrower holding the Yard back as he personally took on three mounted and two foot policemen, we didn’t realise how lucky we were that the fog was holding. As it finally thinned, it became apparent that it was held by an entire company of the Queen’s own Hussars.
Full credit to the traditionalist Turks here, as behind them poor old Ahmed FireFez was finally given a proper truncheoning, the rest tried to rush the bridge. To their left, we hit a bottleneck between the arc cannon and the captured Martian heat ray while on their right the modernist Turks chose the modernist path of cowardly sniping from cover. As our chaps traded fearsome blows with the Hussars, once again I had to reflect on their appalling choice of colour scheme. Black and white. Such an unfortunate combination. Soooo last year! Whacking the last of the skirmish line to the floor, some traditionalist Turks ran back to keep us from the battle of the bridge while behind us, Scotland Yard were approaching fast. My word, all hands to the pump. I thought that I might even have to remove my shawl. (Though it’s a jolly nice little shawl!). Fortunately, at this point the fog closed in like a blanket. Very fortunate indeed, since the traditionalists were down to their last few men and still not through the defenders of the bridge while the modernists were miles away from making any contribution to criminal safety. As for us, we were totally surrounded.
As we waded home through the pea soup, I reflected on where we had gone wrong. I think it could have been wearing the blue that did it, you know. The green would probably have been much nicer.
Lady Helen,
Far, far away now.
Possibly the yellow?
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April 29, 2024, 10:28:37 AM
November 07, 2009, 08:05:28 PM
