The Degradation of Constable Smallbottom

[Doug ex-em4]

  Sir Rufus Pitt-Bulstrode, Squire of Much Rampling and Lord Lieutenant of Borsetshire, was not a man to brook disorder and criminality in his county. However, matters had slipped recently as the Civil War caused shock-waves through society and advanced ever closer to the borders of Borsetshire. Inveterate disturbers of the peace became ever more bold and none more so than the disreputable Archer family of Ambridge, drunk, thieving, violent and degenerate, they had become a plague of disruption and intimidation for miles around their village base. Sir Rufus decided action must be taken.

To that end, Sir Rufus despatched a slightly anxious constable Smallbottom to Ambridge with orders to arrest a particularly delinquent member of the Archer clan, 13 year old Phillip, on charges of malicious damage. Sir Rufus then departed for meetings at county hall to discuss the imminent threat of invasion from a reported gathering of Socialist revolutionaries.

Constable Smallbottom attempts to arrest teenage hooligan Phil Archer who can be seen in the background on the steps of the shack. Senior Archers seek to prevent the due process of law.


The meetings overran drastically and Sir Rufus was compelled to stay in Borchester overnight so next morning’s excitement at Bulstrode manor was dealt with by Lady Ferocity Bulstrode, his formidable wife. She, like most of the household, was woken early (it was still dark) by the sound of a vehicle braking hard outside the gates to the Bulstrode manor.

A disreputable vehicle arrives outside Bulstrode Manor in the dead of night


This was followed by much slamming of car doors then the sound of the vehicle accelerating away.

Three thuggish individuals exit the van and drag another man from the back of the vehicle and dump him on the road. They then speed away in the van, leaving the man, bound and apparently deshabille, lying in the road


After a short spell of silence, Lady Ferocity’s maid appeared, dishevelled, and said that Wrench, the butler wished to speak to her. Putting a dressing gown over her already numerous nightclothes, she went to her dressing room where Wrench was waiting.

“Madam, constable Smallbottom is in my pantry – there has been a serious incident.”

She immediately brushed past him and, ignoring or not hearing his anxious “Madam, do not……” headed for his pantry, leaving him to creak along as fast as he could. So it was with initial surprise, followed by traumatic humiliation that constable Smallbottom, wearing only his right sock and suspender and his bobby’s helmet, battered and on backwards, faced the lady of the house. His hands had been secured behind his back by his own handcuffs. Lady Pitt-Bulstrode was regarding him with an unblinking stare, apparently impervious to his situation. This unfortunate confrontation lasted only seconds – Wrench was on hand to wrap a towel about the constable but the horror of the situation was a blight on Smallbottom for the rest of his life. Lady Ferocity never gave any sign of having been discomforted by the incident.

The unfortunate Smallbottom faces the scrutiny of Lady Ferocity. At least he has had the presence of mind to doff his helmet. The imperturbable Wrench looks on and McGruel (left) lends assistance

She was, however, outraged and furious about what had brought this about. Head game-keeper Renfrew McGruel had been the one who found the unfortunate Smallbottom after he’d been unceremoniously dumped from the mystery vehicle and he now severed the chain on Smallbottom’s handcuffs with a pair of bolt-cutters. Despite the distress he was experiencing, the constable still had the presence of mind to respectfully remove his helmet in the presence of “quality” before observing the severed cuffs, still round his wrist. “I’ll have to pay for a replacement set” he murmured pathetically.

“Never mind that, man” barked Lady Ferocity “what happened”.

“My lady, they used me cruelly” said Smallbottom. “My bobby’s  helmet was mocked and abused. It’ll take a lot of buffing from the misses to get it right again”.

Resisting the temptation to scream, Lady Ferocity nevertheless said

“For God’s sake, man. WHO did” loud enough to cause the constable to flinch before he replied “Why them Archers, of course, begging your pardon, ma’am.”

Once that was established, events moved swiftly. Sir Rufus was informed by telephone and he was back home by late morning. His rage was terrible to behold and he immediately set about organising a suitable party to wreak vengeance on the turbulent Archers. He decided that it would be war to the knife and in those circumstances, only family could be relied upon; with the support of a few trusted servants of course. His daughters were experienced warriors, veterans of bloody conflicts ranging from hand-to-hand rucks with striking miners to political rough-houses across Europe and not forgetting some indeterminate clashes in Asia and the Americas. His son Freddie was a veteran of the Spanish Civil War and some calm, steady support was provided by the likes of Wrench, Stirrup (Sir Rufus’ “man”) and Renfrew McGruel all of whom had seen action in The Great War. Sir Rufus had no doubt this formidable assemblage would quickly deal with a gang of rural roughnecks.

Sir Rufus assembles family, friends and followers

His first move was to gain information on what to expect. Were the Archers expecting retaliation? How many of them were there? Were they armed? These and other questions urgently needed answering.

By great good fortune, Sir Rufus had to hand the perfect person to get answers to these questions. Temerity Ping was an old Cambridge chum of Lady Acceptance and she happened to be staying at the Pitt-Bulstrode’s as the Smallbottom crisis unfolded. Which was very fortuitous because she was also an experienced SIS officer. Professionally, she worked overseas; her service did not operate in the UK, officially at least. Nevertheless, she was happy to put her experience in surveillance and intelligence at the Pitt-Bulstrode’s service. Within hours, she had arrived by bus in Ambridge and set about ferreting out the Archer’s plans. The results of her mission and the response of Sir Rufus can be seen in the previous post:

Dark Days in Borsetshire:
https://leadadventureforum.com/index.php?topic=134710.0

Doug

[marianas_gamer]

Wonderful! I always look forward to these stories.

[Bravo Six]

Doug, another ripping good yarn! 

[Mad Lord Snapcase]

Absolutely oojah-cum-spiff, old man. Great story, had me laughing out loud! Some super little vignettes there too, my favourite “The unfortunate Smallbottom faces the scrutiny of Lady Ferocity.” Marvellous. 

[CapnJim]

It appears her Ladyness may have seen why Smallbottom is named as he is....

In any event, I trust the retribution on his behalf will be swift and severe!

[Doug ex-em4]

Wonderful! I always look forward to these stories.

Thank you. Hopefully the developing story will keep your interest

Doug, another ripping good yarn! 

And there should be a good deal more ripping to come. Thanks…!

It appears her Ladyness may have seen why Smallbottom is named as he is....

In any event, I trust the retribution on his behalf will be swift and severe!

If she did, you can rest assured it meant nothing to her. After a lifetime of supervising the amorous activities of horses, dogs, cattle and once (during a tour of duty in Africa) giraffes, Smallbottom’s equipment would have seemed totally inconsequential.

However the insult to Sir Rufus’ authority is of great consequence and the retribution will be as you suggest. Or at least, that’s what Sir Rufus intends. As we know, not all plans work out as we would wish.

Absolutely oojah-cum-spiff, old man. Great story, had me laughing out loud! Some super little vignettes there too, my favourite “The unfortunate Smallbottom faces the scrutiny of Lady Ferocity.” Marvellous. 

Much appreciated, old sport. 


Doug

[CapnJim]

However the insult to Sir Rufus’ authority is of great consequence and the retribution will be as you suggest. Or at least, that’s what Sir Rufus intends. As we know, not all plans work out as we would wish.

Yes, well, there is that...

[Patrice]

 

I've just discovered these stories!

Well done Doug, I want more!

[Michi]

After a lifetime of supervising the amorous activities of horses, dogs, cattle and once (during a tour of duty in Africa) giraffes, Smallbottom’s equipment would have seemed totally inconsequential.

Alright, her Ladyness knows how to entertain herself, doesn`t she?

[Doug ex-em4]

Hi Patrice - good to hear from you. How are you?

Well done Doug, I want more!

Be careful of what you wish for…! 

Alright, her Ladyness knows how to entertain herself, doesn`t she?

Duty is her watchword…..!

Doug

[Patrice]

Hi Patrice - good to hear from you. How are you?

  I'm still there, and I often post on LAF ...but not yet in this Pulp sub-section that's why I had not noticed your wonderful stories earlier.