To point out a few more derpy bits:
The ruling elite of the Concord is the race of tall, gracile human morphs called New Humans or NuHu
In English, you normally use the word "graceful" rather than "gracile", and even then the whole quoted sentence is just awkward and ungainly when you read it.
These aloof Mandarins are co-evolved with the Integrated Machine Intelligence, or IMTel, that controls human societies within the Concord.
What now? That whole sentence may as just well read "Blah, blahblah blah blah blah"! Are these New Humans all Chinese then, or is that a class-reference? If it's a class reference, I think it was covered by "ruling elite" in the previous sentence.
I know I'm nit-picking in a miserly sort of way here, but these blurbs are
supposed to get me interested in the game-world of BtGoA. Instead they are filled with waffle that's hard to read, hard to understand, and even harder to care about - further compounded by a sense that the author of these feels much the same way, but still wants you be invested anyway.
