Tuesday Night Gentleman's Club: Kulten

[Mr. Peabody]

*Sigh*

That's some good bedtime AAR action right there.

[Uncle Mike]

The Post Game
The Death Cult lost a cultist (not even mentioned or photoed in the report...) and the Dagonites suffered a leg wound on their Demagogue. No skills for the dead 'uns while the fishy bolt action rifle cultist got a skill...three guesses what that will be. No Favour for anyone! Even with the Death Cult sacrificing a few models to up their chances. A quick fight with no terrible effects. As a side note the Death Cult had enough resources to purchase a piece of Territory: a Slaughterhouse. What does this mean? Wait and see! At the very least there is now a 'Territory Gap'. 

[Mason]

Another great report, Mike!
Always gives me a chuckle.
 

As for Tommy-toting Dead Things.....

Gonna have to get some Cult Warfare going later in the year.
Oh, yes!
 

[Uncle Mike]

I look forward to it! Can't wait to see what hideous cult you come up with. I seem to recall you having a cult of Morris dancers already? They would be great! Beyond culty, that behavior! 

But the story continues...

Mere minutes after their first encounter the Death Cult find themselves, once more, thrust into the depths of battle! This time the Serpent Worshipers are out for blood in this most surprising of Suprise Attacks.

The Ancient ring of standing stones had stood since waaaay ago...at least they looked old, and the brochure had said so. Plus there was a great group discount...but, what's this? Their unnaturally evil nemesisses had arrived at the same time! What are the chances, eh? Dear readers? Still, there they were at that eldritch tourist trap. Indeed it was a bit of a surprise, but in the end, at only $1.50 each (Canadian...so it is worth less than that... ) and with those great big stone things it was an excellent place for a bit of bloody carnage!


Who would prevail? Did the snack shack serve lemonade? And at what price?

And the ever looming question on everyone's minds: what were those giant obelisk things really made of? It sure wasn't stone...looked more like foam with a bit of paint splashed on.

Also, if anyone survived would they get their money back at the entrance...or at least credit at the concession???   

[Mr. Peabody]

Ring-side seats please.

[D@rth J@ymZ]

Lemonade please, I'll grab some popcorn...

[Uncle Mike]

The Serpent Worshipers (being the higher rated cult...) get the surprise, which ends up being that one of their Degenerates misses the game...no doubt they couldn't find a babysitter at such short notice! Whatever the reason...

The Death Cult surge forward guns at the ready...




While the Serpent Worshipers slither into some good shooting positions...




Advancing to the sacrificial alter both cults fired away uselessly...




Until the Conglomerate decides to charge the Tcho-Tcho (with a shotgun...wait isn't that a movie...). After a merciless multi-limbed pummeling the tiny Tcho-Tcho is removed as a Major Injury.




In control of the sacrificial alter the Death Cult continues to advance...that is to say the Blasphemous Construct (after being Stupid more than Moving...) finally snaps out of it and gets a move on.




You will notice the Maniac hiding behind the scenery...biding his time...talking crazy talk...getting ready to pounce...




You can really feel the tension as the Blasphemous Construct inches ever closer (and is Stupid yet again...should have gotten a better brain...). Also, there really is quite a bit of blood...this AAR should be rated R. If you are under 18 you can stop reading now! The shocking conclusion may be more than your teenage mind can stand!!!

[Uncle Mike]

And now, the stunning conclusion!!!

The Maniac charges in to slay the Conglomerate...at least, that was the original idea. True to form he sees the mass of dead flesh and Frenzies. Unfortunately, also true to form, Uncle Mike's Maniac rolls a heap of dice...and three of them are 1s. For those not in the know of the rules, this in layman's terms, would be like dropping his cleaver and cutting off two of his toes. So, not a good start to a fight. 




Things go from bad to worse as the Conglomerate delivers a merciless kicking. Face Down...Major Injury!




The Death Cult reins supreme again!  And the Serpent Worshipers hope that the end game isn't as unlucky as this game just was!


Now, let's have some grape jelly!

[Uncle Mike]

The Post Game

Amazingly no injuries of note occurred! Not only unusual but unsatisfying.  Who wants to see this kind of stuff? Not me! Just un-culty behavior if you ask me!
However, the Serpentman Demagogue gains a skill. Always good when the boss gets smarter...the sooner the better!
Both cults walk away with a point of Favour. Mind you, the Death Cult had to sacrifice a cultist and a Zombie to make it happen.
In the end a fairly quick game with no real lasting impact...except that Favour. Now that a few points of Favour are floating around you can expect to see some crazy stuff!

Also, on a side note, both Darth James and myself were bested by Basement Dweller, who had clearly done some sort of hoodoo on our dice. I only say this as we both rolled triple ones in our games...unlikely? Oh, it's unlikely alright...yet it happened, so: witchcraft.

A possible backdoor deal will now occur involving the Dagonites and Serpent Worshipers who will be actively seeking revenge! That Death Cult is living on borrowed time...well, you know what I mean...

[Mason]

Great stuff, Uncle Mike.
 

Your AAR's always give me a good chuckle as well.
Thank you!
 

As for the Cults ganging up on the unfortunate Witch of the North: Go for it!
Proper Culty behaviour, that is.
 

[obsidian3d]

I'm back in the city and my schedule has smoothed out again. Can I get a spot on the agenda for the 18th?

[Pseudopod]

These battle reports are really entertaining, makes me want to try VUK. Must...paint...more.

[Uncle Mike]

Great to hear you are back in the loop Obsidian! See you on the 18th!

[Irishrover13]

I'm back in the city and my schedule has smoothed out again. Can I get a spot on the agenda for the 18th?

Hey Obsidian,

Do you ever go to Imaginary Wars? I have started making it there on Wednesdays and I have even started painting my stuff so you will get a mostly painted game.

Cheers,

Daniel

[styx]

Great to hear you are back in the loop Obsidian! See you on the 18th!

He is also going to sacrifice your entire cult upon the alter to the dice gods! Yes, he has been infused with the voodoo powers here within Florida during his visit and plans to crush all of you!!!!