"Sarge, Sarge, come quick! Something's wrong with the Shoddy!"
"Don't worry lad, I know all about the dent in the turret. I caught the lads from C Company playing Netball in the shed again. They said it was cold outside! I said it's a tough game and if a little chill puts you off then maybe its not the sport for you! Or perhaps just wear something under those little skirts! Anyway, you know that Twitchy Shortchanged, the "star" sniper from their Ratling Platoon, well he fancies himself as a bit of a hot shot. Before I turfed them out he bet he could drop the ball through the Commander's hatch while standing next to the coffee machine. Of course he missed! The ball bounced just in front of the cupola and made a dent in he turret roof. He might be a crack shot with a las-rifle but there is no way he is getting picked as Goal Attack for the Regimental Team!"
"But Sarge..!"
"No need to fret, the armour is so thin all you need to do is sit in the Loader's seat and push up firmly with both hands and you'll pop it out. It'll look as good as new."
"Sarge, no, it's not that..."
"I hope you are not going to complain about the Boiling Vessel making every cuppa taste vaguely of camomile! I'm afraid that is a well known design fault. You just have to grit your teeth and take it like a soldier"
"No Sarge, it's even worse..."
"Those new track pins! They've snapped, haven't they! Private Walker sourced them for me. They were expensive, but he claimed they were genuine Adeptus Mechanicus surplus. I pointed out the packaging labelled them as Administratum Issue, "Clips, Large, Paper, for the use of", but he swore that they were dual purpose."
"No, Sarge. I mean, yes, actually they have snapped, but that's not what I meant, Sarge, it's something else, something really strange."
"What then?"
"It seems to be, er, growing tentacles!"
"What? I'll take a look!"
