What a Cowboy - Hog Thief Bend. Update by Snappers 22.04.24

[FifteensAway]

Thanks for the bit regarding Scotland - but on a tour so a bit restricted by the itinerary though London will provide a "free" week to explore that city.

Fun write up as usual.  Now regarding the sad news about Jack Daniels, you can always toss California Diggins Johnny "Tough as a Rail" W. Hardup into the mix going forward.  And have as much fun with him as you feel is appropriate.  Just remember his favorite drink is a sarsaparilla!  He only pretends to sip on those Old Fashions - no need to aggravate that old ulcer. 

And I'm quite sure Vagabond's "digitalic" "suggestion" was meant in the noblest of intentions.

Looking forward to further tales of derring-do and skulduggery from you fine gentlemen and miscreants, as appropriate of course.   

And really looking forward to the rebuttals from the other participants.   

Hmm, will there a be a few visits over to the fantasy boards looking for a reincarnation spell?  Hmm? 

[Mad Lord Snapcase]

Firstly, I must thank my friend and esteemed colleague Vagabond, for going to the trouble of writing this report. He puts a lot of hard work into taking notes, editing the photos and then posting his entertaining, waggish and very humorous commentary, to our latest on-line game. So, a big thank-you, my friend.

Obviously, this fabricated account is biased towards the Arthritis Gang, trumped up, concocted, inaccurate and produced by double-dealing, low-down varmints. However, this takes nothing away from the sheer pleasure and entertainment value of a Vagabond game report.

One small correction, Jack and the Kid’s nemesis, is Granville Arkwright, not Cartwright. Jack was always too full of mescal, to hear or see properly! The clue can be seen in the photos, as Granville’s uncles’ dry goods store can be seen in the main street, the green building. Granville is a hero to shopkeepers everywhere, who dream of the day they will travel the wild west on horseback, as they sweep the back yard, stack the shelves and deliver groceries on their bicycles.

As Vaggers says, it was sad to see Jack go. We had many a laugh with regard to his mescal-fuelled lust for revenge against the Snapcase Posse. I had lost Hawkeye McNoo in the first game and Doug had lost the Honourable Horace Boris Spooner in game two. But this was the first time we had lost a main character, rather than a sidekick.

Perhaps another campaign might be set in a time before these startling and momentous events and Raving Jack Daniels will ride again! For now, he lies on his back, in some Elysian Field, belching as he consumes his breakfast bottle of mescal.

Before the report on games four and five appear, I will shortly post the lead-up to game four, ‘Wagons Ho at O’Rourke’s Corriente’ in this august forum.

[Mad Lord Snapcase]

Send not to know for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee. Requiescat in pace, Raving Jack Daniels.

A sad scene is played out at Netzahualcóyotl Junction. The local undertaker, D. M. D'Emfore (and his assistant, Mrs. Ena Sharples), have prepared the mortal remains of Hawkeye McNoo, the Honourable Horace Boris Spooner and Raving Jack Daniels, for the next stage of their journey to their final resting place.

[Mad Lord Snapcase]

As the coffins are loaded aboard the 3.10 to Albuquerque, D.M. is accosted by a mysterious stranger. He exudes an air of confident menace. Who can it be?



Having no joy from D. M. D'Emfore, the mysterious stranger runs into three tough looking hombres, who seem to be leaving the station in a hurry. Coincidence, or a planned meet?

[Mad Lord Snapcase]

‘Wagons Ho at O’Rourke’s Corriente’

Our attention now shifts to a very small river crossing near Rancho Los Lamentos, Chihuahua.

The river in question is the Chínipas River, which flows through some very long rugged canyon systems, until finally joining the Fuerte River, further north.

Our story concerns this small crossing, named O’Rourke’s Corriente, after the man who built the bridge there, Sergio O’Rourke. The O’Rourke family still live there in a small homestead. The O’Rourkes are hard-working people. Ma O’Rourke rules the family with a rod of iron, wielding it over the three O’Rourke brothers, Virgil, Scott and Gordon. Sergio is buried near the O’Rourke homestead, apparently dying of a bite from a rattler. Some say (very quietly) that Ma poisoned him after Sergio stole, butchered and ate her favourite hog, Perky.

Across the bridge live the Glums. Again, three brothers, Hickory, Dickory and Doc. Much older than the O’Rourkes and all of them unsound of mind (mad as a box of frogs, the lot of them). With them lives a young cousin Mimsie Slopcorner, who seems to spend all of her time, washing cooking, sweeping and sewing, whilst the Glum brothers laze around, chewing tobacco, spitting and cussing.

There exists between these two families, a vicious feud. Neither the O’Rourkes nor the Glums can remember how it started, but the bridge adjoining their two homesteads has not been crossed in years, by an O’Rourke or a Glum! Ma guards her side of the bridge with a shotgun! In order to travel south, across the river, the Glums have built their own bridge, on a bend in the river. In after times, this was the origin of the now famous town, Hog Thief Bend. But that’s another story for another day.

This story begins when Doctor Archimedes Vagabond, the travelling snake-oil salesman is forced to leave the area of the Sierra Madre in a hurry. Doc Vagabond and his travelling companions are used to these sudden reverses in fortune and are always prepared to hot-foot it to someplace new. His companions consist of Splint, the sandwich-board man, Hercules the horse and Francis Tumblety. Tumblety plays the part of the crippled passer-by. He pretends to be part of the assembled crowd and during the Doc’s spiel, he buys a bottle of the snake-oil and undergoes a miraculous cure, on the spot.

In order to travel north to Hachcita, Doc Vagabond decides to cross the Chínipas at O’Rourke’s Corriente. Hearing rumours of the dangerous feud and not wishing to be caught up in any gunplay or fisticuffs, he casts around for a suitable bodyguard or two.

Resting up after a long, hard ride from Netzahualcóyotl Junction are the Arthritis Gang. Doc Vagabond comes across them in the saloon at El Camello. Sensing like-minded fellows, he signs them on for a small fee to get him safely across the border.

By a strange coincidence, Deputy Melon los Cojones is visiting the Glums as he is a cousin to Mimsie. Sheriff Saveloy and deputies Misty and Granville are along for the ride.

The stage is set for a showdown, under the merciless heat of the desert sun…..

To be continued...

[Mad Lord Snapcase]

For game four, ‘Wagons Ho at O’Rourke’s Corriente’, we shall be using scenario two from the What A Cowboy! book. The attackers will be Douggers and Vaggers with the Arthritis Gang and Doc Vagabond's snake oil wagon. The defenders (ambushers, really) will be the heroic and much-misunderstood, Snapcase Posse.

[Mad Lord Snapcase]

We will be using a 4' x 2' board, seen here from the defender's side...



...and here from the attacker's side. Cactus does not impede the wagon. There is room for the wagon to pass by either side of either homestead, and across both bridges.



The feuding homesteads.



Ma O'Rourke.



Virgil, Scott and Gordon O'Rourke.



Dickory Glum.



Doc Glum.



Hickory Glum and Mimsie Slopcorner.



Hickory Glum and his dog, Curmudgeon.



From left to right: Hercules, Splint, Archimedes Vagabond and Francis Tumblety.

[Doug ex-em4]

A very entertaining report from Vagabond as always. I can’t really comment on the details because the game was played such a long time ago, it’s all very hazy.

Certainly Jack D died. It was necessary for me to point out that he was dead and not wounded because I am The unofficial Keeper of the Rules. Every time one of the others wants to do something, they ask me. "What do I need to do to shoot?", " How do I Dodge", "what’s the rule for changing weapons" and so on. Resisting the urge to make a sharp retort on the lines of "You do the same as last week and the week before and the week before that!" I dutifully recite the rules. "You roll a D6" is the usual reply. So, you can see, it was inevitable that I should politely point out that Jack was actually dead, otherwise I’d be disrespecting the rules if I didn’t and that way, chaos lies. The fact that he’d shot me in the back "by mistake" a couple of games ago couldn’t have been further from my mind as I, with all due ceremony, pointed out that he was a goner.

Moving on, I should just point out that the heroic, let-me-at-‘em attitude of Oliver Standish has been understated in Vagabond’s report. No-one else stood on the roof of the station in full view of the enemy and no-one else made a death-defying leap from the station roof to the roof of the railway carriage.

However, we mustn’t get too self-referential in these reports. Everyone in our group did their bit and the final result went our way, however fortuitously.

And so, Farewell Jack Daniels - a lousy shot but a champion drinker. You will be missed but, when the bullets were flying, you weren’t. Missed, that is……Not by Arkwright, anyway

John, thanks for doing the work on the AAR - top stuff as always. And thanks to MLS for doing everything else, despite your bad back.

Doug

[CapnJim]

Well, well, well...

1.  Did anyone think of giving the good Mr. Daniels some of Dr. Vagabond's Miracle Cure?  It couldn't have hurt (he was already dead, after all...), and it just might have helped...

B.  Those cabins are surely within shotgun range of each other.  How is it the Glums and the O'Rourke's don't just shoot each other dead across the miserable excuse for a creek...? 

III.  I am waiting with some anticipation (and, frankly, some trepidation) for the results of Game 4 to be foisted upon us, be it rooted in truth or not....  

[FifteensAway]

Good 'ole Hercules must be mighty good at sidestepping if he's going to get that wagon round the curve to get on the bridge and across and around straight again.  I fear the old nag may get pulled into the waters of the crick when the wagon tumbles over!     

SPCLMA complaint being registered, sirrahs.  (That would be the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Little Metal Animals) 

[Vagabond]

As the coffins are loaded aboard the 3.10 to Albuquerque, D.M. is accosted by a mysterious stranger. He exudes an air of confident menace. Who can it be?



Having no joy from D. M. D'Emfore, the mysterious stranger runs into three tough looking hombres, who seem to be leaving the station in a hurry. Coincidence, or a planned meet?

The mysterious killer is indeed mysterious but his task isn't mysterious. He's been hired by Molly Daniels for the sole purpose of removing "with extreme prejudice" two no good varmints from this world. I refer of course to Severus Snapcase and Cowardly Cartwheel. When and only then will be receive his reward. Hopefully not in heaven .

[Vagabond]

1.  Did anyone think of giving the good Mr. Daniels some of Dr. Vagabond's Miracle Cure?  It couldn't have hurt (he was already dead, after all...), and it just might have helped...  NO, I wish I'd thought of that.

B.  Those cabins are surely within shotgun range of each other.  How is it the Glums and the O'Rourke's don't just shoot each other dead across the miserable excuse for a creek...?    Never let reality get in the way of a good story....and this isn't a good story

III.  I am waiting with some anticipation (and, frankly, some trepidation) for the results of Game 4 to be foisted upon us, be it rooted in truth or not....   I understand your dilemma but anything that comes out of the mouth of Sherriff Snapcase should be fumigated, disinfected and then ignored. 

[Vagabond]

‘Wagons Ho at O’Rourke’s Corriente’

Game 4

Shorter and hopefully as sweet  as the usual adventures posted here. I'm sure my compatriots will be along soon to confirm just  how wrong I am.  


Well I hope you read and understood the scenario background because there will be questions later but suffice it to say The Good Guys…..Douggers and Vaggers have to get a wagon load of Dr Vagabonds life giving elixir through the lands of the Snappers degenerate associates and live to tell the tale.

The Elixir is needed in California to combat a mysterious disease that is decimating the population day by day. This is a humanitarian mission that will save hundreds if not thousands of lives, it’s imperative that it succeeds.

Sounds pretty easy when you say it fast but as it’s a Snappers scenario it won’t be as easy as that and only a monster would intervene to stop the medicine getting through, enter Monster Snapcase and his posse.


We decided to try and run the wagon down the right hand side of the cesspit stream the locals used for their drinking water, which combined with decades of inbreeding had a lot to answer for in the current generation of the of the Snapcase allies.


This local married his dog in a strange and private ceremony, the wedding feast was bread, water and doggy biscuits, the dog whose name has been redacted to save his offspring, obtained a decree nici for maltreatment which we’d better not go into here.


Dr Vagabond was able to manage the horse Hercules from the cover provided by his wagon. A matter of necessity he would maintain but only if pushed. I’ve forgotten the full background to the scenario but we were allowed 2 characters to be passengers on the wagon. You have to imagine they were riding up on top with no cover. This was a stipulation designated by Snapcase, all the non coms were allowed to ride inside but the men that matter had to be on the roof. No cover, you make your own decision as to why this might be.


The man himself, slightly out of focus is hiding behind a cactus plant on the other side of the cess stream.


The Vagabond Mobile picks up speed as it descends the slope from the big butte. You need to imagine that Loco and the new man in the gang are riding on top. Well riding might be a bit of a misnomer, they are hanging on for dear life as Dr Vagabond stirs Hercules into a fast walk.


Oliver Standish also slightly out of focus is moving forward with his customary lack of concern for his own, or indeed anyone else’s safety.

He sees a cactus and as is also customary decides he must hide behind it.


The Melon in the revolting green suit picks a more substantial area of cover, these sacks are going to stop anything except a 12lb cannon ball.
Molly Daniels has caught up with Standish but was unable to get past him, any innocent bystander might think she was using him as cover, after all he’s more substantial than our usual cactus or wooden rail. But of course you’d be wrong.


She whispers into his ear, if you run again I’ll plug you myself. He nods and strains to get to the cover of the grave stone that’s only feet away from him, to no avail.


He’s not really paying any attention to her because he’s seen the Melon drawing a bead on him, the Melon opens fire and Standish is hit, more than once but significantly one shot misses and instead of disappearing into the desert it strikes Molly.


Dr Vagabond doesn’t like the sound of all this shooting and shouts to Hercules to speed up, this has the result of bouncing the new man off the roof of the wagon, he lands hard, takes a slight injury but he’s a professional and is quickly back on his feet, gun drawn and ready for action.


Molly reacts to Melon’s gunfire by opening up herself and the green man is stunned but his solid cover saves the day.


This is all too much for Standish and in spite of Molly’s warning, his natural inclination to run takes over and he……..well runs.


WTF the shopkeeper moves along side the Melon, I know I was reprimanded by Snappers after the last report, it seems Cowardly Cartwright has some other name, not Cowardly but we all know that can’t be true.

Molly looks right and sees the fast disappearing form of Oliver Standish and realises she can’t fight the whole Snapcase gang of cowardly baby killers, baby eaters, and shop lifters on her own.


So she sprints off with Loco and her new man leaving Dr Vagabond to his own devices.


Within minutes he has sold more bottles of his redoubtable liquor than in the last week alone. He just needs to move on before the results of the liquor move on the posse and allies.

Well - as hard as it is to say this but the dastardly Snapcase Posse won this one and bring the score back to 2 games all, so it’s still everything to play for in the next 2 games of the campaign.

[Doug ex-em4]

It was a quick and, frankly, unsatisfying game but the board looked great and I think the photos of the wagon descending the hill are excellent.

And that’s all I have to say on the matter.

Doug

[FifteensAway]

Hang the whole lot of Snapcases, I say!  But living in California I would say that wouldn't I. 

I was a bit green for a bit this afternoon but then the second half of the NFL game with my Niners turned out well so I'm better now.  Maybe that wagon load of "medicine" should be redirected towards Detroit!   . I hear there are lions in that town. 

And I must say I'm Very Relieved that nothing significantly untoward happened to Hercules - other than being hitched to that infamous wagon.